At A Loss For Words

I'm playing the game of Life, and I don't know what my next step is. Perhaps I need to take a leap of faith. I just hope my faith doesn't take me over the edge of a cliff.

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So, I'm not moving in with Eryn anymore. I have many mixed emotions about that. Right now, it seems like unfulfilled plans have become a strong pattern in my life. I planned to go to Jerusalem, no go. Planned to go to Bethany, no, then Nipawin, no again. People still ask me if I'm ever going to Jerusalem. Right now, not in the near or even remotely distant future. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life anymore. I have hope for a plan that I would love to see come to fruition, but honestly, I don't want to tell anyone because I'm tired of making plans then not doing them and having people ask me if I'm still going to do them. I'm so frustrated and overwhelmed right now. I don't know what my next step is going to be. I don't have the patience to just hang here in limbo! I just want to scream, but that wouldn't solve anything. Then again, neither does this rant.

The Rest of Ontario

Okay, so I figured I'd update you on what actually happened from Sunday til now.
Sunday night: Kath & I got ready, then drove to Port Dalhousie. After a few wrong turns that is. haha. She showed me around some of the surrounding bars, stopped in at the Kilt and Clover for a drink and pee, before heading to The Lions where we met up with Trish the Dish and Jay. Trish is SUPER FUN! I love her. She has a cute accent. We went in, got a drink and found a table for the band's next set. Mod Squad was on, and they played a bunch of Brit songs. I knew about three of them. It was still good though. I had lots of fun on our Girl's Night.
Monday: Out to Aurora to have fun in the pool with the fam. And it was a lot of fun! I got burnt pretty badly, but at least it evened out my odd back tan. I was sore the next day. I loved hanging out with the Gouldens, it was very relaxing. Eric & Karen have a huge house! I liked it.
Tuesday: Mom & Dad and I went to Niagara on the Lake to do a winery tour. We went to Peller Estates. It was interesting and the wine was delicious! I loved the icewine the best. I guess it was just the fruit wine that I didn't like, and red wine. So, I enjoyed myself, and Muzzer got sick. Some people just can't hold their alcohol! haha. After that, we took the very scenic route to the shopping part of NotL. We shopped a bit, ate some food and then left. We found out that if we had turned right instead of left, it would've taken us about 5 minutes to get there. Lovely driving skills, dad. We had another bbq at Ryan & Kath's, then headed down to Niagara Falls, NY for some American shopping. It was fun, and I picked up on the accents, embarrassing myself only once. We got back in one piece and said our goodbyes. *Tear* Actually, I didn't even cry. But Ryan did lift me a few inches off the ground!
Wednesday: We went to the Pen Centre shopping mall, and did some good damage. I think I'm a shopaholic. Actually, I know I am. Then we headed to the airport where we almost missed our plane. Even though we were there two hours early. Its a story that I'm trying to block out.
Thursday: Today we drove from S'toon home. Another part of the trip that needs to be blocked out. Now we're home and I'm excited to see Kera and Dion tomorrow afternoon. I'm excited to be back home so I can see my church family again. I loved Ontario, but like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home."

Ontari-ari-o

I don't know how short/long this post will be. I think I'll keep it short. Well, I'm in St. Catharine's right now, using Ryan & Kath's computer. Here's a summary of what's been goin on so far.
Monday: Pack. Drive to S'toon, shop a bit, go to Tony Roma's for supper, go to hotel. Sleep (or not).
Tuesday: Get up. Get in a taxi (for the first time) and drive to the airport. (Continued on Sunday) Get in a line, check our bags, get in an even bigger line and wait. Then Bailey, Josh & Bronwyn called my name and I didn't hear. My mom did, so she told me. They were in the same huge line, waiting to go through security to head to Philly. It was nice to see them. Then we fly to Calgary. Meet up with my Aunty & Uncle, go for breakfast, and fly again. I thought I broke my eardrums on the landing in Hamilton, thus making me very tired and grumpy. It hurt a lot. While we were waiting for dad to get the car it started to rain. I, being always prepared, pulled out my umbrella. Then we drove to St. Catharines. I slept. Check in, call the fam, head to the food place to eat. I don't really remember what else happened that night.
Wednesday: Get up. Drive to Clifton Hill in Niagra. Slather on the sunscreen, and begin the touristing. Stop in at Louis Tousaud's Wax Museum and take the obligitory fifty billion (more like 10) pictures. I got some good ones, they'll be on Facebook when I get home. Head down Clifton Hill to Ripley's Museum. I didn't think it was as great as the wax museum, but whatever it was cool still. Grab a bite to eat, then head down to the falls. Again, take a billion pictures. It was super hot, so when we go to the Canadian falls, the mist felt Wonderful! After that, just a few souviner shops, then back to St.C's. Supper at Ryan & Kath's. Did some laundry, hung out, etc.
Thursday: Get up. (Amazing how that happens first, eh?) Drive to Marineland. Walk around for a bloody long time. See a few shows with the flipper type animals. Take some more pictures. While we were in the gift shop, my cell phone rang. I answered and it was Mr. Boyko. Kera had her baby on August 1st (day before) at 8:38pm. So far, this is all I know. Well, and that it is a boy. Then we walk out of Marineland, drive back to Niagra, eat, and do more souviner shops. Home again (to the Comfort Inn), then to R&K's for another bbq with a pig that thought it was a cow. Kathleen's parents joined us as well, it was nice to see them again. I finally got to use their computer and check "spaceface". I was goin through some bad withdrawl.
Friday: Sleep in for an hour. YAY! Go shopping, bought two shirts and some wedding jewellery. (Not for my wedding). Go back to the hotel, get all gussied up, and then head out to meet my mom's old friend in a town on the way to the wedding. A few wrong turns later, we see them. On our way again, a few more wrong turns, including a turning of the map upside down, we reach the place for the wedding. "The wedding", was for my cousin Kerri (Goulden) & Scott McPhail. It was really short, but nice. Then, some pictures and then the reception & dance. I had SO much fun! It was good food, a lot of food, and good company. Then the dance. Kath and I got out there and boogied! So much fun! During a few sit-downs, I noticed a waiter kept giving me "the hairy eye-ball". He was pretty cute too! haha. Sadly, we had to leave soon after.
Saturday: Once again, we woke up. R&K came to pick us up and we headed to the big TO. First we stopped at Starbucks, my first time. I got a caramel macchiato, it was delish! It was a beautiful day! I impersonated Marilyn Monroe a bit. We first took a harbour tour of the Toronto Islands. These were also beautiful. I'm finding that I am in love with the trees here. Back in the concrete jungle, we walked up to the Hockey Hall of Fame to see the mask/helmet my dad bid on and is on display. Nothing too special, since we've all been there before, and only two out of the five of us were truly interested. I got a picture with the Stanley Cup, and said "I don't even like hockey", which got a interesting look from the worker. Oops, maybe I shouldn't talk so loud. We then walked to, um, I don't even know where. It was a lot of walking. To the KISS fm station, where R&K made out for a contest and got a t-shirt and gum. To Queen & John, by Much Music, where I've been before as well. Down a few more blocks to the Wayne Gretzky Restaraunt for some much needed vittles. Nothing spectacular in my eyes, but it was good all the same. A nice rest for the feet. (By this time I'd been cultivating some nice blisters). Then all the way back down to the harbour to where we were parked. I got a nice burn to even out my back and chest, it doesn't hurt which is nice.
Sunday: You know what happens. Go to the Mennonite church. I liked the sermon a lot, but everyone just stood or sat still for the worship. Meh. Then we went to The Mandarin for lunch with the Krumrei's. It was really really really good food. I had some green apple Bubble Tea. A bit weird at first, but good as well. We changed then went out to the Krumrei's to hang out and eat supper. I love Mennonite food, good ol' cold cuts! After awhile we left and took a scenic route back to St.C's. Such beautiful country and houses! Carmen would have a field day trying to sell them all! Now I'm at R&K's, blogging. Kath and I are heading to Port Dalhousie, pronounce De loo zee, for a true Girl's Night. It doesn't start for another two hours or so. But, Trish the Dish is going to be there! She's one of Kathleen's friends, who to me is pretty famous. haha. R&K are watching The Office downstairs and I can hear Steve Carrell in their living room.

We're going out to my Uncle's house tomorrow for a pool party/hanging out. It should be super fun, I have pretty cool cousins. Then on Tuesday, I think Muzzer, Fajah & I are doing a winery tour, get wasted probably. Or not. I don't like the taste of wine. Then Wednesday, we have to do something until the time our plane leaves. Should be interesting. I'll be home on the 9th, and probably sleep until Monday. Or not. I hope I haven't drained my bank account too much!

Anticipation Aggravation

Last night, Kera went in to the hospital. She wasn't in labour though. And she's not hurt or anything. She had some non-threatening leakage. It was, for me, more exciting than scary. I thought she'd have the baby then, but I guess we'll have to keep waiting. Babies should learn how to come out on their due dates. They don't know what they put us Outsider's through! So, Kera's fine, other than being frustrated with the weather and being stuck (sort of) in the country.

I'm also anticipating the trip to Ontario for my cousin's wedding. We'll be there in a week. I want to build a time machine so I can go there now. haha. So much for my plea for patience, eh? I'm really excited to see my family, to shop (come on, like I'm going to not shop given the opportunity), and to see beautiful Niagra again. I haven't been there in 7 years. Pretty much to the day, since we were there for Ryan & Kath's wedding (July 22nd). Plus, Chris got me pretty excited when he talked about the nice, not disgustingly hot, weather and smooth, albeit busy, roads. I love Saskatchewan, but I gotta get out once in awhile.

My left eye is being dumb and leaking constantly. It's quite annoying and making my skin raw. I hope I don't have an infected duck. haha get it? Tear duct. Ok, that was lame.

Learning

I've been learning a lot about myself lately. Since house sitting, I've learned that I really enjoy living on my own. Of course, I don't have to pay the bills or fix anything, and I have to go back home in a few days, but I like the time I've had to myself. I admit, I have become a bit reclusive, but I've made efforts to hang out with others. I went up to Bethel with Jessica one Friday, spent time with Dan & Jessie and Regan, hung out with my family a bit, and had supper with Carmen & Daune a couple times. I've also read four books in the past two weeks. Three of them were over 300 pages. I've had a lot of quiet time, as you can tell. I love this house so much! For the first week, I could be found mainly in the sunroom, reading. Actually, most of the second week too. I watched a few movies, ate some good foods, and got annoyed at the partying neighbours. Thankfully, there were only two parties, and I fell asleep while they were still going. I'm not even allergic to Spaz! Which is good, because he's a really nice cat, but he needs to learn how to retract his claws. Plus, he looks so cute sleeping in my suitcase.

Another thing I've been learning, is I need a lot more patience. In my job, my goals, my life. I'm a pretty laid back person, but when I find something I want, and can't have right away, I get a bit antsy. Okay, a lot antsy. Like, a husband for instance. I know that God has someone already picked out and is preparing him, but it's so hard not knowing who he is. I do enjoy being single though. Not that I've been unsingle in a long time. I just want what I'm sure, almost, every girl wants. To be delighted in. To be cuddled, hugged, praised, encouraged, fought for, included.

A lesson I have to learn before the husband part can come is to delight myself in the Lord. I can't just get a guy and expect him to be everything I need. It's not fair or right. That's a job that no man, save Jesus, can do for me. I need to fall in love with Jesus, and let him show me how to love myself, before I can give myself and my love to another. This is much easier said than done. I'd love to blame it all on Satan, but that'd be giving him too much credit. Much of the blame lies with me being lazy and undisciplined. I've stopped spending time in the Word, don't do devotions, and basically only get pumped up in church or when I hear a really good song. So, now that I know what I'm doing wrong, how am I going to change it? I'd love to say, "I'm going to spend an hour reading the Bible everyday" or "I'm going to be a better Christian", but those I've tried and quit before. Here's my plan: I have at least one day off every week. I'm going to try and turn it into a Day In. A day in the Word, in the presence of God, in love with God. I'll probably start off small, so as not to get discouraged. Like, maybe not a whole day, but an hour or two. Who knows, maybe I'll fall head over heels on the first day and not want to stop? I'm sure this is going to be a battle, and would appreciate prayer and accountability.

Well, those are a few things I've been learning about myself. I've got a pretty good Teacher, I'd say.

I Want To Be Small

As I sit here and listen to "Small" by Amanda Falk, I think of my relationships and my life. I realize that I've been trying to run things. Has it worked? Heck no. I need to let go, and let God take the controls. Again. I've been striving for a relationship with someone who doesn't return the feelings, when I should be striving for a deeper relationship with my God who's feelings for me are unmatched by any other. He's told me that he has someone planned for me. Someone to love me as he does. Yet, I still try to do things my way. I need to be patient. I need to remember that the plans I have are small compared to the things God has in store for me. I feel such a great need at this point in my life to be quiet, and seek God's presence. What I've been doing is as close to running from it as I can get. I have a huge house all to myself, with a beautiful yard to sit in God's creation, and yet I keep myself indoors. Why? I sit in a room of windows, marvelling at the beauty of nature around me, yet don't take the steps to be a part of it. I have such a deep longing for something deep, and still I take no affirmative action. I'm longing to be loved deeply, and don't dwell in the love God is showering on me.

A Grad Way More Fun Than My Own

Ok, I've been trying to avoid blogging about this, but since all the cool people, aka Robin & Jared already have, I thought I'd join in. Maybe they're not all the cool people, but they're the only ones who've done so thus far.

So, Graduation Day 2007 went a little like this. From my POV anyways. (Get it, that's an English term, thanks Mrs. Bachiu). I got up at 7:30 to shower, get ready and make sure I had clothes to wear to grad. Then I went to work. Dylan fell asleep on me, and I actually managed to put him to sleep in his crib. Unfortunately, he only slept for 20 minutes. So, he was still pretty tired. Then Daune came home and we let Dylan play with our cell phones. It was fun times. I went home, ate some KD, finished getting ready, and went to the school where I found Jared and sat with him. The afternoon ceremony was quite boring, but then again so was mine. Just a bunch of people giving heartwarming speeches and handing out money. I loved the theme and the mural that Leanne did was amazing! Then I took pictures of some people on the "cool" grad props and went back home. I cleared the camera so I could take more pictures later, changed footwear and got dad to drive me around. I arrived at Efree and, like Jared said, tried to start a non-grad table, but ended up sitting with Robin's family. This was fine and dandy, Mik and Terri are a hoot. Next came the pictures times a billion. Or maybe only times 30. I jumped in the Buick with Mik & Terri to follow the Gradmobile, and we lost them because we had to go get fresh batteries and fresh faces. So, we just went back to the school. My back really hurt from sitting on the bleachers, and I couldn't really see the stuff on the screen. Ok, I gotta speed this up. The dance was next, and I had fun. I danced with Nick, he's really tall and really quiet. I danced with some other people as well, and my feet hurt from Cotton Eyed Joe, I wasn't wearing shoes for that one. Then it was time to go get ready for Green Lake. We piled into the Gradmobile, dropped Tom off, got into an accident, had rocks thrown at us by a very drunk Mike Hounsell, got ice cream, and I got really rained on. Kirsten & Tiff came to pick me, Tom and Christy up and then we were on our way. It was raining and lightning-ing a lot, and Kirsten was driving safely. Thanks for not joining in the car accidents Kirsten.

Ok, Green Lake. We got there, it was still pouring, but the cabin was dry inside. Well, it wasn't a dry party, but anyways... I stole/shared some of Mitch's alcohol and the fun began. Basically, there was some dancing, cuddling, making outing, puking (way to go Morgan), portrait drawings courtesy of Jared Fingler, blanket wrestling, Jared getting massages from Kelsie's and my vibrating laugh, some picture taking that hopefully have already been deleted, and some no sleeping for me. I had a lot of fun, but felt super gross by the time we got breakfast. I met a girl with my last name, no relation. Apparently, alcohol makes me fall in love with Tom.

Awesome God

There have been a few cases in my life where God has completely blown me away. My faith is so small and yet He provides. I've been looking for a grad ticket for a couple weeks, today Kim asked if I still needed one. She told me Madge had a few extra and to give her a call. So I did, and then picked it up. Awesome part one. I went to Efree for their last youth group tonight, which was great. I heard a phone ringing and thought to check mine. But I missed the call. Luckily they left a message, because I had no idea who's number it was. It was Daune asking me to come in early tomorrow. I'd been worrying all day about being able to go to grad now that I had the ticket. I usually work 9-6 on Fridays, which would make it impossible to go to the afternoon ceremonies. So, by going in early tomorrow, I can go to grad. I'll work the morning on Friday instead of the afternoon and not have to make up for any lost hours. Amazing part two. So, today was a good day off. God is amazing and I'm glad he loves me.

And The Clock Struck Midnight

I just had a pretty great day. I got up, spent over $100 on things I probably don't need but will be able to use for a long time, went out for lunch with Muzzer, and made a mad dash for the shower. Then it was dress, hair, makeup, nails, shoes and out the door. All in a mere fourty minutes! Believe me people, that's impressive. I went to Matthew and Robin (Schroeder) Roger's wedding. It was so nice. I nearly cried when Matthew sang to Robin. Nearly. The reception was really good. An awesome powerpoint presentation, really good food and a lot of laughs. While they were moving the tables for the dance, Nancy and I went and changed our footwear. I'm so glad I did! My feet were killing me. All for the price of fashion I suppose. Then back to the dance, which hadn't started yet. It was good times. I danced a bit, sometimes crazy, sometimes normally. I even taught, or tried to, teach Kashtin how to polka. The funny thing about changing footwear is, I took my shoes off about 15 minutes after the dance started. I thought of Travis when "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" was played, but he'd already left. It was really nice to see people I hadn't seen for awhile, like Felix & Margurite and Candy & Vernon. I miss those folks. So, it was a lovely evening. I wore a great dress, which had some minor malfunctions, killer shoes (seriously), my hair dried to great curls, and I never smudged my makeup, other than lipstick on my teeth a few times. Alas, the night had to come to an end. It was a lot of fun, but this Cinderella didn't find a Prince tonight. I didn't even catch the bouquet either. Oh well, there's plenty more weddings this summer!

Have you ever wanted to be part of something bigger? To wake up one day and be told you're a princess, or that you are a descendant of a great and valiant knight? I have on many occaisions. To find out that my family did great things in history; that I am a part of a royal line; that I could be worthy of life in a castle. You see, history excites me, intrigues me, makes my heart beat faster, even skip a beat. I love movies that make history come alive, or books that take me on adventures to faraway lands. I want to go on these adventures, see the places I've read about. I want to walk where famous artists, playwrites, philosophers and doctors have walked. Can you imagine standing in the basement of the Louvre, or on the sands of the great Colleseum, or sit in a seat in a marvelous banquet hall? Am I only ever going to read and dream about these things? I sincerly hope not. Who knows? Maybe one day they'll be reading about me in the history books!

Mekai Burke Metz

I can't believe I've waited three days to blog about my new nephew! Tim & Clare had their baby on Sunday at 12:59pm. It was an interesting day for me. I waited up til 3:30am for Eryn to come home, she's staying here til her house is liveable, and fell asleep soon after. I must've been out of the country when I was dreaming, because mom came to my door at 7:30 and asked, "Are you going to Tim's or am I?" What? Tim's, Tim who? Who's going to Tim's? I'll go to Tim Horton's, but you might have to drive. As you can see, I was very confused. "It's time." OH! Get out, I'm not wearing pants! So, I went over and played with Nick & Shanna til Frank & Mary, Clare's parents, got there. I went home, showered and went to church. I don't really remember what Pastor Tyler said, I was too excited. Plus, the phone rang a couple times, which got me more excited, but it wasn't for me. Then I came home and waited. Is he here yet? Is he here yet? Tim called at 1:30 and told us Mekai was born. But, we had to wait til three to meet him. That was possibly the longest hour and a half of my life! haha. So, mom & I went to Extra Foods, got flowers and a Mack toffee bar and went to the hospital. He's so cute! and little. He looks a lot like Tim. Last night I went to their house and held him for a long time, and then he had his first bath! He enjoyed it, but didn't like getting dried off because it was probably cold. Mom and I went over today and she held him mostly. I love him. I'm glad they live close for this kid. I tried putting pics on here, but it's being dumb. There's some on Facebook.

Apparently it was me being dumb. So, here's some of him when he was only 3 hours old.

Another Rant...

I'm sick and tired of you telling me what to do. What makes you think you're in any positon to give me advice, especially financial, when you're putting our family into debt? Why do you think you can talk to me and expect me to listen? You are the only one who's against me moving out. Big surprise there. Not. You see that you've lost your grip on me and are afraid of me being free of you. Too bloody frickin bad. You have no control over me. Let me live my life and make my OWN decisions. Just because you're life is pitiful and you're miserable, doesn't mean the rest of us have to be too. Who the hell do you think you are? You lost any influencial position in my life long ago. You only take notice of my life when you disapprove or figure out new ways, which are getting old fast, to screw me up. Does it bother you that much that I'm finally succeeding? That I might actually be happy now? You just can't handle that can you? I'm sorry if you were told you'd never amount to anything all your life, but I'm not you. I will succeed and do great things. I break any generational curses that have been passed down through you. I am covered by the blood of Jesus Christ and any lies and word curses you've placed upon me are broken now.

Sweetie Pie Cutie Face

This is a summary of my days as of late: Get up, shower, maybe, eat. Walk four blocks to the Neudorf-Howell residence. Play with the adorable Dylan when he's not clawing at himself or crying. Try to scoop up baby food before he opens his mouth for more. Clean random things in their already amazingly clean house. Compete with the bathroom fan and vibrating chair to sing Dylan to sleep. Hang out with Carmen and Dylan when she gets home from work. (And Daune randomly throughout the day.) In case you're wondering why I do this, it's because God is awesome. I started nannying for Carmen and Daune last Thursday. I work 1-6pm, Monday-Friday, which hasn't happened yet because it was a holiday yesterday, but you get the point. It's so great because it's enough time that I don't get overwhelmed or go crazy with boredom, (he kinda just sits...), and more than enough money for rent and other needs. Yes, Dylan does cry a lot, but you would too if you had itchy sores all over your body. It's so sad, but he does quite well with the exema. Plus, he just met me on Thursday, so he cries when Daune enters or leaves a room. He's actually taken quite a shine to me already. He likes to suck on my leg or neck, whichever is available I guess. And those are the days I shower...haha. Yep, so that's what I do now. I love it. Carmen and Daune are awesome to work for, they definately balance each other. I can't really think of what else to say, so I'll bid you adieu. Or goodbye if you don't speak random languages.

Loose Firewire

I would love to do a whole update blog again, but I don't really feel like it. So, I guess I wouldn't love to do one. Okay then. I feel like I've been neglecting my blog(s). I always check other's, expecting them to be updated, but fail to update my own. I've been hanging out with Eryn a lot more lately. Its been real deadly like.

So, I'm the new techi-chick at the Bridge. Cuz I'm a nerd. I run the overhead dealy, and am working on some projects with Eryn and Tyler. I also get to contribute to the church's blog. Haha, cuz I'm so good at contributing to my other 3...not. Its gonna be cool shooting some video stuff and making FRESH even more deadly. We've done our brainstorming, we just need to get schedules and more people and all that jazz. Goooooood.

Tomorrow, Muzzer and I are going to NB. I have a biopsy appt. for my thyroid. I hope I don't have a goiter. Haha just kidding. They're not going to find anything. Why? Because It's already healed! Yee. God rocks. I still don't want to get a needle shoved in my neck though. Oh well, at least I'll get out of Meadow for a day. I haven't gone anywhere for quite awhile. And then on Friday, Eryn and I are hopefully taking some girls from Waterchicken to Stoon for a girls slumber party thing. I say hopefully, because I don't know if Eryn will get the day off or not. If she does it will be a good time.

You know what? Its so much fun to be positive. Usually I would say I'm so scared the dr's will find something, or I hope nothing bad happens at the slumber party. But now, I have confidence that God is really in control and he wants the best for us. And if something does go wrong, I have the tools to deal with it. God rocks, religion sucks. Glad I've got God.

I guess that kind of turned into an update, oh well, it needed to be said. I'm gonna go do more blogging I think.

PS. I forgot to say that Eryn and I are doing a 40 day challege. No junkfood/sweets/pop, drink water/milk, she's going to exercise 7 days/week for 30 mins, I'm doing 4/week for 60min, no eating after 7pm, and I have to eat two meals a day. Its going good so far. I went for a walk at the track yesterday and did 4 laps. I even ran for 3/4 of the track! My legs hurt now, but that's cuz I was real lazy this winter. But I'll whip myself into shape again. I even took Oviler with me to the track. He's a funny dog. That's all for now.

Can Anybody Find Me

...Somebody to love?

I was going to write about this topic a few days ago, but then forgot. And I don't really feel like doing it now, and don't have the time to do so.

What I will write about however, is my day today. It was so beautiful outside, the kids and I played outside twice today. In the morning it was still a bit cold, but bearable. I sat in the shade until I got cold, then warmed up in the sun. Then in the afternoon, the sun was out in full force. I took my jacket off and watched the kids swing and make a pond in a puddle. I saw a spider walk across the water in the garden. Maybe it was a Jesus spider! Then Clare came and I went home. I took off my boots, they were full of wetness from falling through the snow at T&C's, and sat on our steps reading Hebrews. Good book so far. And I saw a butterfly! So exciting! I played with Oviler and Sphincter a bit too. I'm all pink and warm from the sun now. Muzzer's makin supper and I'm waiting for Nicole to come. I'm goin to her house again this weekend. I missed going last weekend, and am going through withdrawl from Felix and Margurite. And my cow. I can't wait to see them all this weekend. And wear RUBBER BOOTS! I could've used them this afternoon. So, while Nicole and Vernon clean out the chicken coop for her chickens (duh), I'll be helping Candy paint their bedroom. Should be some good bonding times I think. I gotta go pack and such. Blog ya later....haha I'm so lame.

A Some Moosen

I had the best weekend EVER! On Friday I went and stayed at Nicole's. We got up Saturday afternoon (got home really late), and went over to Grandma and Grandpa's house to check cows. Vernon needed a ride over there so Felix could help him get unstuck. They weren't there, so Nicole and I just checked cows anyways. There were a few in the corral with their little calves and a whole bunch at the feeding ground. We took the quad out there and drove around the cows. Nothin was happening other than eating. We went back to the house and Marguerite and Felix were home. Of course, Grandma told us to grab a pop and have a seat. We stayed and visited and then for supper. We went to check the cows again, still nothing. We stayed and visited more with Uncle Dave & Aunty Vivian and Kyle. We went home and just hung out with Vernon. Good times. We had told Grandma to call us if any of the cows started to have a calf. So she did; at five in the morning. I jumped out of bed, put some warm clothes on and headed out the door. I got to see a calf get pulled! It was exciting and rather splooshy. It was a red girl. She's cute and Grandma said they're going to call her Jo. I felt special. We went home, back to bed and stayed there til the afternoon. Neither of us wanted to go to church. So we tried to fix the van, but Nicole got frustrated with the setup and we decided to go back to Grandma's house. We went to see the calves and Nicole tried to ride one of them. It didn't go too well haha. I visited with "my" cow and the momma was really nice about it. There was a floppy eared white calf that was jumping and running around. Very cute. We went to the feed ground to see the other calves that were born in the early morning, a grey one and a brown. We thought one of the cows was in labour, but she just had to take a dump. Then a cow charged at us because we got too close to her calf, luckily we were on the quad. We went to the house and played some Nintendo (the old school one) and then the grandparents came home. We visited a bit more, had some doughnuts and pop (of course) and went home for supper. Mmm KFC. We showered and walked out the door to go hang out with Kelvin. As I stepped off the last step, Scruffy growled, which she doesn't usually do. So I turned around and said, "Holy crap there's a moose!" took a second look and said, "Holy crap there's two!" I've never seen a moosen before, so I was excited. Such a great weekend! I gotta go now. Toodle-oo.

"I Don't Want to Turn Into a Boy"

Ah yes, the wise words of Shanna. She says, if she toots too much, she might turn into a boy. What a tragedy that would be. So, I spent my first day babysitting them yesterday. I'll be doing that all month until April 5th. It went pretty good yesterday, they stayed in their pj's and we watched kid's shows pretty much all day. It's okay, Tim & Clare said that was allowed, since they were going to NB today for Nicky's teeth. It was a bit confusing because I had to fill out a tv thing for every show we watched. I messed it up. Oh well. We watched Ice Age 2...again...and Finding Nemo...again. I guess I thought when I was done at the daycare, I wouldn't be watching kid's shows until I had my own. Turns out I was wrong. Oh well, they're better for me than "chick flicks" right Rob? haha. We played outside for about 20 minutes. Which is about the time it took us just to get dressed and sorted out. It was fun, the snow was deeper than Shanna. I got stuck and Nicky got cold, so we went in. Then it was home time. I came home, ate some big greasy sausages...but no Jared Finglers...haha...and fell asleep on the couch. "You have company" was all I heard and then opened my eyes to Nicole sitting in the living room. To Sev and her place was the next on the agenda. Good laughs along the way. Yellow shirt. Chuckle. She talked to Scott and "T-Fed" aka Tom. Good times had by all. Tom took her creepiness quite well actually. We basically just hung out, chatted and such, then went to bed. Oh...so many good dreams...ahem. Blasted reality. In to town and flower shopping we went. Good stuff yet again. Then deliveries. Saw Tobin Rhomas and Jirsten Kensrud. I went home, got asked out by a Texan (weird) and watched some Christian music videos. Then Nicole came over, we found out her mom was going to be arrested for Telemiracle and decided to take pictures. So we went for lunch and then to the Door. Finally it was time to go take pictures of Momma. After I had one of Kathy Stobbe's buns *drool* soooo good. It was pretty funny. Bail was set at $50 (cheap) and she was out in about 15 minutes. Oh well, it was fun. Back to the Door, stopped in at daycare to say hello, get hugs and kisses from Michael and a huge card for Shanna. I got all sparkly from it. Now I'm home and waiting to go out for supper with my folks. After that it's FRESH. I'm pumped. Chris Kulczheski...or however you spell his last name...is playing drums. It'll be grood. Argh...I have to get up and walk to the kitchen...gross. That's all for now. Except Gayce and Belinda are road tripping to Chicago for a Jack's Mannequin concert and I cried.

Change Number Four

Alrighty. Another change. I liked my old one, but clicked a few things and got something I wanted, and had to change the template. Oh well. I like green. It's good people. I'm almost ready to send in my application to Nipawin. I just need to find my SIN card and ask people to be references. I felt kinda weird writing a personal profile, but I got it done. (After procrastinating a whole day). Right now, I only signed up for the first year, but I would love to stay and get a Bachelor of Christian Ministry in Missions. Who would've guessed, eh? Haha.

So, Lent started yesterday, and I decided to fast from non-Christian music. Sounds easy right? Not. I made a Lent List (playlist), and have been listening to that. It's gone good so far, just when I wake up with a FOB song in my head or something it's tough. Let's see if I can do better than last year. Cuz I completely sucked back then.

Time to go eat some delicious pizza. Mmm chicken and roasted red peppers.

Trust Issues Anyone?

I'm a bit upset right now. I made this blog to be free to express my thoughts and feelings. I'm okay with my friends and some family members reading it, but I asked my mom specifically not to try and find it. By following a link on Ryan & Kath's blog, she found it. Don't worry guys, it's not your fault. I even asked her not to click on the link. She said she wouldn't. I was showing Jennifer Ryan and Kath's blog and saw that the link to mine had been clicked. On my mom's account. I asked, "I thought I asked you not to read my blog". The reply, "Well, I had to see what you were writing." Uh, no you didn't. If there's something I wanted you to know, I would've told you. And if you really wanted to know something, you could've asked me. Why did you have to go behind my back and break my trust? I don't frickin understand that. Yes, I realize this blog is public, and that it doesn't take a rocket scientist to find it, but when I ask someone not to read it, I expect them not to. It's kind of ironic, because I wrote in my Genesis Process book things that are making me uncomfortable ex and internally. One of them was expectations not met. Interesting. Like, now I don't even feel comfortable writing the stuff I want to. Really, who else is reading this? Obviously if I've given you the link I'm okay with it, but I feel like my mom totally invaded my privacy. Whatever, I'm frickin emotional and probably PMSing. If only it were Patrick Martin Stump-ing. One step forward, two steps back I guess.