Just An Update

Hmm, it's been awhile. I'm home again. I had been housesitting for Carmen & Daune again while they were in PEI. It was alright. I had lots of time to do nothing, so that's what I did. I had some good hangout times too. Robin and I had a sleepover and a lovely picnic. It was fun. Carmen & Daune decided to come home early, which scared the crap out of me. a) I hadn't cleaned anything, except doing the dishes. b) Carmen popped around the corner as soon as I came in. It was kinda awkward to spend the night there while they were there. Oh well, I survived. Then, I worked Tuesday and Wednesday. It was alright, I missed Dylan, but not his incessant crying or the housework. Wednesday night Holly called to tell us she was being induced! Tyson Karch Hilditch was born at 6:04am on Thursday, Oct. 11, 2007. After hearing the news, I finished packing and then headed to Red Deer for a women's conference. It was so amazing! Seeing women worship together, as one, was so powerful. The speakers did an excellent job, sharing so many truths and tips and stories about their lives. I really enjoyed travelling with Jessie and Natanis. We had a lot of good talks, they shared their experiences with me and we shared lots of laughs as well. Last night, Kyros started up. It is a group of grade 12 - age 24 doing a study of Romans. I can't remember the exact vision statement, but that's what it is. It was really good last night. We had a small group, but God still showed up. It was just an introductory night, so Eryn and Caleb, the leaders, explained what it is, what we'll be doing, etc. Then we sang some worship songs and had a time of prayer and prophecy. People say you can't pray if you have to pee, but that doesn't mean God can't give you a word for someone on your way to the bathroom! (That happened to me). We had a good time of fellowship and eating delicious cookies that Eryn made. So, that's about all I can think of for this update.

Invasion

Okay, so last night, I watched The Invasion. It's a movie about an alien "flu" that makes people pretty much walking zombies. This flu desensitizes them and makes them less-than-human. As I was watching some of the scenes, with people getting harrassed by police, hit by cars, even killed, I hardly flinched. So what's the difference then? Between our world and the world in the movie? Other than the fact that their lack of sensitivity was due to a viral war, and ours is, what? "Evil", the media, constant war? I thought it was sad that I had become so uncaring and shock proof. But, isn't that exactly the point, whether conciously or not, that the movie was trying to get across? I don't know, but for some reason, I feel robbed or that my morals and values have been violated.

Sicklyness

Once again, my head is full of snot, rather, emptying itself of the snot. I'm confused, I haven't been sick with the flu or a cold for probably at least six months. Seriously, for me that's a record. It's been really nice not having to call in sick, except for a few times (unrelated). Then this week, BAM!, I get hit with the flu. It started on Monday with a regular sore throat. I thought, fine, it'll be gone in a few days, drink lots of fluids! Tuesday, went to work feeling like crap, somehow got through the day, came home, curled up on the couch and immediately started shaking with cold. I went to the clinic, "It might be strep, probably just viral", throat swab *gag*. No help there. Wednesday I woke up with absolutely no voice. I didn't go to work that day, I felt really bad as it was the last day before Carmen & Daune left for their vacation, and I knew she still had some stuff that needed to get done. I basically had the couch attached to me that day. Thursday early morning (4am), I thought my ear was going to burst. There was so much pain and pressure, I could hardly handle it. Apparently, crying doesn't help the situation either. Once again, I went to the clinic. This time, "Oh, there's some fluid in your ear, it's possibly infected. Here's some drugs, but you don't need them yet." Great. Throughout this process, Tylenol had become a very dear friend. I've also had a ranging temperature all week, leaving me either freezing (when it's high) or sweating, because I'd layered on to stop the chills. This morning I was feeling quite warm, took some Tylenol, I don't really remember calling mom. I've used a LOT of kleenexes, for both my nose and my eye. About 7pm, I was attacked by the chills again. No matter how tight I curled up under the blankets, I couldn't get warm. So I called mom, and we eventually went to the hospital. Waited an hour there, and was told that now it's a full blown sinus infection, to fill the perscription (thanks), and that the chills (which is what I'd gone in for) was just from the fever. So, tomorrow, I get to go buy drugs, know any good sources? Just kidding! Well, my hearing has lessened, but my voice has returned mostly, although now I sound really stuffed up. It sucks that I missed out on both Bible studies this week, I was really looking forward to them. Oh well, I shouldn't get tuckered out. Which means I should probably go to bed and hope for more than four hours. Prayers would be nice.

End of Birthday Week

Well, the celebrations are over. I'm pretty tuckered out.

Saturday we went out to Jennifer & Dwayne's for the bonfire & supper. Dwayne nearly got blown up, but supper was delicious. We played with the kittens and blew bubbles a lot.

Today, only us girls went out to Mustus. We had a blast. We had yummy subs, good conversations, a sweet photo shoot and played some bocci ball. Silly Italians. On the way home, near Tosh, we picked up Merle and drove him to Waterhen. It would've taken him so long to walk all that way! Crazy.

I can't wait to start housesitting again. I've got plans with Robin & Nancy to hang out, so as to not make me lonely, so that should be good times. Plus, I'll maybe get some sanity back. I really need to get out of Meadow Lake, or maybe just this house.

Best Birthday

Well, I am offically 20 years old. It was my birthday yesterday and this is what happened. I woke up and checked my "wall". The birthday well wishes had begun to pile up. Some people left some during the week, making it feel like a true birthday week. Which is a really great idea, Kath. :) After replying to the posts, I went and had a luxurious bubble bath. When I got back to my room, I had two messages on my cell. A text from "Eryn" (more later), and Daune asking me to come in at 10. Well, it was already ten after, so that wasn't going to happen. So, I got ready and went to work early. It started out pretty normal, and then all heck broke loose. Daune left, Carmen had been called into work, Dylan was confused. They've both been in and out of the house this week, so he's gotten used to seeing them more. They were both gone and he was mad. So, I tried to put him to sleep. Eventually he fell asleep, and slept for an hour while I got the housework done. He woke up crying and continued to cry for 45 minutes. During this, I tried to put him back to sleep but he wouldn't give in. Daune came home, so I passed him off to him. We started making lunch, he was rubbing his eyes and nearly falling asleep in his highchair, so once again I tried to put him to sleep. More crying. Carmen came home, and we sat down while her and Daune ate. Then, Carmen pulled the carrot cake out of the fridge, gave the "nod" to Daune. They sang me Happy Birthday and we ate the extremely sweet, overly iced (but delicious) cake. I took Dylan for a walk, came home (his), put him to bed, and did the dishes. Eryn called and said Happy birthday. "For the third time", "What?" "You texted me this morning" "Uh, no I didn't" "Oh...That's Pastor Ty's number, oops. I replied 'Thanks Eryn'" Many laughs. Dylan didn't sleep very long, which was fine, since I had nothing to do. He cried for another half hour until I turned on Treehouse. Then we played peekaboo around the kitchen/livingroom. He always enjoys that. Carmen came home, paid me and I headed over to the football game. I couldn't stay long, but I did see Chris and Phil.

I got home and there was a rose from dad, and then mom gave me her present. The complete set of Madame Alexander's Wizard of Oz dolls, McDonald's style. Muzzer and I went out for supper and I got free desert. Mmm. I came home and was waiting for Kirsten & Tiff to call me so we could hang out. I called Kirsty's house, but they'd just left. A few minutes later they were at my house. We began walking to Bean There and I called Eryn telling her where I'd be at 8:30, our agreed time to being our hang out time. We had our drinks and conversation, then called Eryn, saying we were ready to leave. Then we waited. For a long time. haha. Finally, she came and we headed in the direction of Kirsten's house. She was going to "go home and sleep". We passed her street, and then turned down a back alley. Eryn likes to go driving, with no destination, so I wasn't too concerned. Then we pulled into her driveway, because Kirsten and Tiffany wanted to see her house. But, Eryn locked herself out. She rang the doorbell, and the door was magically unlocked. "Oh, I hope there's not a bunch of people going to jump out and scare me." The first thing I saw was a big "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" banner, and then Nancy, Aaron & Clint pop up and say "Surprise!" I was so happy and excited and, surprised. We hung out for a bit, and then more people started showing up. I got a sweet card from Jenna, a picture album and bubbles from Eryn, and some money from Karrissa. We played some games, and mostly hung out and had good times. When most of the people were gone, we decided to go bounce a ball down mainstreet. It was just Eryn, Nancy, Tay & I left. Only Taylor and Nancy actually chased the ball, Eryn and I stayed in the car. We lost one, and managed to keep the smaller one. Tay went home, and we went to Sev, then home. It was a great evening and I felt really special. That's the first surprise party I've had. I've always wanted one.

So now I'm no longer a teenager, but the celebrations aren't over yet. Tonight we're having supper at Jenn & Dwayne's and a bonfire. Tomorrow, after church, Muzzer, Fajah, Eryn & Nancy & I are going out to Mustus to have some foods and fun. I'm actually pretty wiped out, I've done something til late hours every night of the week and I'm not used to staying up late anymore. Oh well, it's good practise for when I'm housesitting again this week for three weeks. Wow, I'm twenty and I don't even have a valid learner's liscence. I'm cool.

Housesitting

Well, I've been living at Carmen & Daune's for over 24 hours now. Pretty much all I've done is watch the extended edition of The Lord of the Rings. Pretty intense. There are actually quite a few scenes added to it that uh, add to it. I had an amazing sleep last night. It was delicious. I'm pretty bored now. I have to buy food too, they're not going to be back til probably Friday. I guess I won't be working with Dylan this week. And yet, I'm still at their house. It's kinda weird being here without them. I guess it's practice for when they go to the East coast later in the month. I'll be here again then. I think I'll be at their house more than my own this month. I'm okay with that right now. Other than clothes & such, nothing is there for me. Tomorrow, I'm going to a ladies Bible study at Lorenda's. It should be interesting. It will be nice to be around girls my own age. I love the ladies at church, they've all made me feel really welcome there, but I do miss people my own age too. If anyone wants to come visit, that'd be awesome! I'm getting kinda lonely, and it hasn't been that long. I'm such a baby haha. I'm going to see if I can have another amazing sleep. Blog ya later!

Awesome Day!

I just had a super great day. I needed a day like this. Maybe there's been others, and I've been too stressed to notice. Today, though, today was rejuvenating. Church was so awesome. The presence of God was flowing through that place so much during the worship time and the message. We had some awesome testimonies. I was going to say one, but once again, I stayed in my seat.
I was going to say that I've been searching for the next step in my life. The next direction. I've told Carmen & Daune that I will stay on with them this fall. I made a commitment to stay, and keeping that has already shown to be challenging. This past week was pretty horrible spiritually and emotionally. So many times I was very close to calling it quits. I felt like I couldn't handle this job, that I wasn't good enough to take care of this very challenging, very special child. I was frustrated and tired and overwhelmed. Where would I go? Every idea was unappealing or a dead end. Am I stuck then? Maybe, but prehaps being stuck is a good thing right now. Not being stuck, but sticking with something. Actually, for once, doing something I said I would do. So, why should I let Satan discourage me? I shouldn't and I won't! This job was a complete Godsend, and I'm not giving up that easily. I guess my step of faith comes in taking a step in trusting God to provide for me here in Meadow Lake. This is where I am. I can't expect God to do something for me in another country, if I'm not there too. Until I am there, wherever "there" is, I'll take another step in trusting him to prepare my way. Hallelujah! Our God is so great!

After church, I took Jenna, Laura and KP out for lunch. Jenna & Laura really liked the service and are talking about coming to FRESH on Friday. I'm so excited for those girls and what God is doing in their lives. We had a great time at lunch, lots of laughs and good conversation. The afternoon was pretty relaxing. Not much happened.
Around seven, Nancy came and we went to...Bean There!!! It's open again, finally! It looks great, smaller, but great considering the time it took. Nancy & I were so excited to be there. All summer we've been wanting it to be open so we could go for coffee. A&W just doesn't cut it. We then headed over to the theatre, on a tip from Jared Fingler who told us that Robin got a job there today. I really wanted to see her, so we dropped in. We were going to rent a movie, but decided to watch the one there, since it was just about to start and both of us wanted to see it. We saw "No Reservations". Amazing. I loved it, and if I hadn't been with other people, I probably, definately maybe would've been bawling my eyes out! I love sad/happy/so predictable movies. Good chick flick. 5 stars for sure! Plus, we got free popcorn & pop. And...there's more. We got a tour of the upstairs. I was so pumped. There's not really all that much up there, but I was happy to have seen it.

Tomorrow, I'll be at Carmen & Daune's house, sitting on it. I hope it doesn't rain on me. I'll be there til possibly Wednesday/Thursday. I'll still be checking Facebook & such, just no msn. Give me a call or drop by! I'll be glad for the company.
I had an awesome day. In case you hadn't noticed.

At A Loss For Words

I'm playing the game of Life, and I don't know what my next step is. Perhaps I need to take a leap of faith. I just hope my faith doesn't take me over the edge of a cliff.

Insert Title Here

So, I'm not moving in with Eryn anymore. I have many mixed emotions about that. Right now, it seems like unfulfilled plans have become a strong pattern in my life. I planned to go to Jerusalem, no go. Planned to go to Bethany, no, then Nipawin, no again. People still ask me if I'm ever going to Jerusalem. Right now, not in the near or even remotely distant future. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life anymore. I have hope for a plan that I would love to see come to fruition, but honestly, I don't want to tell anyone because I'm tired of making plans then not doing them and having people ask me if I'm still going to do them. I'm so frustrated and overwhelmed right now. I don't know what my next step is going to be. I don't have the patience to just hang here in limbo! I just want to scream, but that wouldn't solve anything. Then again, neither does this rant.

The Rest of Ontario

Okay, so I figured I'd update you on what actually happened from Sunday til now.
Sunday night: Kath & I got ready, then drove to Port Dalhousie. After a few wrong turns that is. haha. She showed me around some of the surrounding bars, stopped in at the Kilt and Clover for a drink and pee, before heading to The Lions where we met up with Trish the Dish and Jay. Trish is SUPER FUN! I love her. She has a cute accent. We went in, got a drink and found a table for the band's next set. Mod Squad was on, and they played a bunch of Brit songs. I knew about three of them. It was still good though. I had lots of fun on our Girl's Night.
Monday: Out to Aurora to have fun in the pool with the fam. And it was a lot of fun! I got burnt pretty badly, but at least it evened out my odd back tan. I was sore the next day. I loved hanging out with the Gouldens, it was very relaxing. Eric & Karen have a huge house! I liked it.
Tuesday: Mom & Dad and I went to Niagara on the Lake to do a winery tour. We went to Peller Estates. It was interesting and the wine was delicious! I loved the icewine the best. I guess it was just the fruit wine that I didn't like, and red wine. So, I enjoyed myself, and Muzzer got sick. Some people just can't hold their alcohol! haha. After that, we took the very scenic route to the shopping part of NotL. We shopped a bit, ate some food and then left. We found out that if we had turned right instead of left, it would've taken us about 5 minutes to get there. Lovely driving skills, dad. We had another bbq at Ryan & Kath's, then headed down to Niagara Falls, NY for some American shopping. It was fun, and I picked up on the accents, embarrassing myself only once. We got back in one piece and said our goodbyes. *Tear* Actually, I didn't even cry. But Ryan did lift me a few inches off the ground!
Wednesday: We went to the Pen Centre shopping mall, and did some good damage. I think I'm a shopaholic. Actually, I know I am. Then we headed to the airport where we almost missed our plane. Even though we were there two hours early. Its a story that I'm trying to block out.
Thursday: Today we drove from S'toon home. Another part of the trip that needs to be blocked out. Now we're home and I'm excited to see Kera and Dion tomorrow afternoon. I'm excited to be back home so I can see my church family again. I loved Ontario, but like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home."

Ontari-ari-o

I don't know how short/long this post will be. I think I'll keep it short. Well, I'm in St. Catharine's right now, using Ryan & Kath's computer. Here's a summary of what's been goin on so far.
Monday: Pack. Drive to S'toon, shop a bit, go to Tony Roma's for supper, go to hotel. Sleep (or not).
Tuesday: Get up. Get in a taxi (for the first time) and drive to the airport. (Continued on Sunday) Get in a line, check our bags, get in an even bigger line and wait. Then Bailey, Josh & Bronwyn called my name and I didn't hear. My mom did, so she told me. They were in the same huge line, waiting to go through security to head to Philly. It was nice to see them. Then we fly to Calgary. Meet up with my Aunty & Uncle, go for breakfast, and fly again. I thought I broke my eardrums on the landing in Hamilton, thus making me very tired and grumpy. It hurt a lot. While we were waiting for dad to get the car it started to rain. I, being always prepared, pulled out my umbrella. Then we drove to St. Catharines. I slept. Check in, call the fam, head to the food place to eat. I don't really remember what else happened that night.
Wednesday: Get up. Drive to Clifton Hill in Niagra. Slather on the sunscreen, and begin the touristing. Stop in at Louis Tousaud's Wax Museum and take the obligitory fifty billion (more like 10) pictures. I got some good ones, they'll be on Facebook when I get home. Head down Clifton Hill to Ripley's Museum. I didn't think it was as great as the wax museum, but whatever it was cool still. Grab a bite to eat, then head down to the falls. Again, take a billion pictures. It was super hot, so when we go to the Canadian falls, the mist felt Wonderful! After that, just a few souviner shops, then back to St.C's. Supper at Ryan & Kath's. Did some laundry, hung out, etc.
Thursday: Get up. (Amazing how that happens first, eh?) Drive to Marineland. Walk around for a bloody long time. See a few shows with the flipper type animals. Take some more pictures. While we were in the gift shop, my cell phone rang. I answered and it was Mr. Boyko. Kera had her baby on August 1st (day before) at 8:38pm. So far, this is all I know. Well, and that it is a boy. Then we walk out of Marineland, drive back to Niagra, eat, and do more souviner shops. Home again (to the Comfort Inn), then to R&K's for another bbq with a pig that thought it was a cow. Kathleen's parents joined us as well, it was nice to see them again. I finally got to use their computer and check "spaceface". I was goin through some bad withdrawl.
Friday: Sleep in for an hour. YAY! Go shopping, bought two shirts and some wedding jewellery. (Not for my wedding). Go back to the hotel, get all gussied up, and then head out to meet my mom's old friend in a town on the way to the wedding. A few wrong turns later, we see them. On our way again, a few more wrong turns, including a turning of the map upside down, we reach the place for the wedding. "The wedding", was for my cousin Kerri (Goulden) & Scott McPhail. It was really short, but nice. Then, some pictures and then the reception & dance. I had SO much fun! It was good food, a lot of food, and good company. Then the dance. Kath and I got out there and boogied! So much fun! During a few sit-downs, I noticed a waiter kept giving me "the hairy eye-ball". He was pretty cute too! haha. Sadly, we had to leave soon after.
Saturday: Once again, we woke up. R&K came to pick us up and we headed to the big TO. First we stopped at Starbucks, my first time. I got a caramel macchiato, it was delish! It was a beautiful day! I impersonated Marilyn Monroe a bit. We first took a harbour tour of the Toronto Islands. These were also beautiful. I'm finding that I am in love with the trees here. Back in the concrete jungle, we walked up to the Hockey Hall of Fame to see the mask/helmet my dad bid on and is on display. Nothing too special, since we've all been there before, and only two out of the five of us were truly interested. I got a picture with the Stanley Cup, and said "I don't even like hockey", which got a interesting look from the worker. Oops, maybe I shouldn't talk so loud. We then walked to, um, I don't even know where. It was a lot of walking. To the KISS fm station, where R&K made out for a contest and got a t-shirt and gum. To Queen & John, by Much Music, where I've been before as well. Down a few more blocks to the Wayne Gretzky Restaraunt for some much needed vittles. Nothing spectacular in my eyes, but it was good all the same. A nice rest for the feet. (By this time I'd been cultivating some nice blisters). Then all the way back down to the harbour to where we were parked. I got a nice burn to even out my back and chest, it doesn't hurt which is nice.
Sunday: You know what happens. Go to the Mennonite church. I liked the sermon a lot, but everyone just stood or sat still for the worship. Meh. Then we went to The Mandarin for lunch with the Krumrei's. It was really really really good food. I had some green apple Bubble Tea. A bit weird at first, but good as well. We changed then went out to the Krumrei's to hang out and eat supper. I love Mennonite food, good ol' cold cuts! After awhile we left and took a scenic route back to St.C's. Such beautiful country and houses! Carmen would have a field day trying to sell them all! Now I'm at R&K's, blogging. Kath and I are heading to Port Dalhousie, pronounce De loo zee, for a true Girl's Night. It doesn't start for another two hours or so. But, Trish the Dish is going to be there! She's one of Kathleen's friends, who to me is pretty famous. haha. R&K are watching The Office downstairs and I can hear Steve Carrell in their living room.

We're going out to my Uncle's house tomorrow for a pool party/hanging out. It should be super fun, I have pretty cool cousins. Then on Tuesday, I think Muzzer, Fajah & I are doing a winery tour, get wasted probably. Or not. I don't like the taste of wine. Then Wednesday, we have to do something until the time our plane leaves. Should be interesting. I'll be home on the 9th, and probably sleep until Monday. Or not. I hope I haven't drained my bank account too much!

Anticipation Aggravation

Last night, Kera went in to the hospital. She wasn't in labour though. And she's not hurt or anything. She had some non-threatening leakage. It was, for me, more exciting than scary. I thought she'd have the baby then, but I guess we'll have to keep waiting. Babies should learn how to come out on their due dates. They don't know what they put us Outsider's through! So, Kera's fine, other than being frustrated with the weather and being stuck (sort of) in the country.

I'm also anticipating the trip to Ontario for my cousin's wedding. We'll be there in a week. I want to build a time machine so I can go there now. haha. So much for my plea for patience, eh? I'm really excited to see my family, to shop (come on, like I'm going to not shop given the opportunity), and to see beautiful Niagra again. I haven't been there in 7 years. Pretty much to the day, since we were there for Ryan & Kath's wedding (July 22nd). Plus, Chris got me pretty excited when he talked about the nice, not disgustingly hot, weather and smooth, albeit busy, roads. I love Saskatchewan, but I gotta get out once in awhile.

My left eye is being dumb and leaking constantly. It's quite annoying and making my skin raw. I hope I don't have an infected duck. haha get it? Tear duct. Ok, that was lame.

Learning

I've been learning a lot about myself lately. Since house sitting, I've learned that I really enjoy living on my own. Of course, I don't have to pay the bills or fix anything, and I have to go back home in a few days, but I like the time I've had to myself. I admit, I have become a bit reclusive, but I've made efforts to hang out with others. I went up to Bethel with Jessica one Friday, spent time with Dan & Jessie and Regan, hung out with my family a bit, and had supper with Carmen & Daune a couple times. I've also read four books in the past two weeks. Three of them were over 300 pages. I've had a lot of quiet time, as you can tell. I love this house so much! For the first week, I could be found mainly in the sunroom, reading. Actually, most of the second week too. I watched a few movies, ate some good foods, and got annoyed at the partying neighbours. Thankfully, there were only two parties, and I fell asleep while they were still going. I'm not even allergic to Spaz! Which is good, because he's a really nice cat, but he needs to learn how to retract his claws. Plus, he looks so cute sleeping in my suitcase.

Another thing I've been learning, is I need a lot more patience. In my job, my goals, my life. I'm a pretty laid back person, but when I find something I want, and can't have right away, I get a bit antsy. Okay, a lot antsy. Like, a husband for instance. I know that God has someone already picked out and is preparing him, but it's so hard not knowing who he is. I do enjoy being single though. Not that I've been unsingle in a long time. I just want what I'm sure, almost, every girl wants. To be delighted in. To be cuddled, hugged, praised, encouraged, fought for, included.

A lesson I have to learn before the husband part can come is to delight myself in the Lord. I can't just get a guy and expect him to be everything I need. It's not fair or right. That's a job that no man, save Jesus, can do for me. I need to fall in love with Jesus, and let him show me how to love myself, before I can give myself and my love to another. This is much easier said than done. I'd love to blame it all on Satan, but that'd be giving him too much credit. Much of the blame lies with me being lazy and undisciplined. I've stopped spending time in the Word, don't do devotions, and basically only get pumped up in church or when I hear a really good song. So, now that I know what I'm doing wrong, how am I going to change it? I'd love to say, "I'm going to spend an hour reading the Bible everyday" or "I'm going to be a better Christian", but those I've tried and quit before. Here's my plan: I have at least one day off every week. I'm going to try and turn it into a Day In. A day in the Word, in the presence of God, in love with God. I'll probably start off small, so as not to get discouraged. Like, maybe not a whole day, but an hour or two. Who knows, maybe I'll fall head over heels on the first day and not want to stop? I'm sure this is going to be a battle, and would appreciate prayer and accountability.

Well, those are a few things I've been learning about myself. I've got a pretty good Teacher, I'd say.

I Want To Be Small

As I sit here and listen to "Small" by Amanda Falk, I think of my relationships and my life. I realize that I've been trying to run things. Has it worked? Heck no. I need to let go, and let God take the controls. Again. I've been striving for a relationship with someone who doesn't return the feelings, when I should be striving for a deeper relationship with my God who's feelings for me are unmatched by any other. He's told me that he has someone planned for me. Someone to love me as he does. Yet, I still try to do things my way. I need to be patient. I need to remember that the plans I have are small compared to the things God has in store for me. I feel such a great need at this point in my life to be quiet, and seek God's presence. What I've been doing is as close to running from it as I can get. I have a huge house all to myself, with a beautiful yard to sit in God's creation, and yet I keep myself indoors. Why? I sit in a room of windows, marvelling at the beauty of nature around me, yet don't take the steps to be a part of it. I have such a deep longing for something deep, and still I take no affirmative action. I'm longing to be loved deeply, and don't dwell in the love God is showering on me.

A Grad Way More Fun Than My Own

Ok, I've been trying to avoid blogging about this, but since all the cool people, aka Robin & Jared already have, I thought I'd join in. Maybe they're not all the cool people, but they're the only ones who've done so thus far.

So, Graduation Day 2007 went a little like this. From my POV anyways. (Get it, that's an English term, thanks Mrs. Bachiu). I got up at 7:30 to shower, get ready and make sure I had clothes to wear to grad. Then I went to work. Dylan fell asleep on me, and I actually managed to put him to sleep in his crib. Unfortunately, he only slept for 20 minutes. So, he was still pretty tired. Then Daune came home and we let Dylan play with our cell phones. It was fun times. I went home, ate some KD, finished getting ready, and went to the school where I found Jared and sat with him. The afternoon ceremony was quite boring, but then again so was mine. Just a bunch of people giving heartwarming speeches and handing out money. I loved the theme and the mural that Leanne did was amazing! Then I took pictures of some people on the "cool" grad props and went back home. I cleared the camera so I could take more pictures later, changed footwear and got dad to drive me around. I arrived at Efree and, like Jared said, tried to start a non-grad table, but ended up sitting with Robin's family. This was fine and dandy, Mik and Terri are a hoot. Next came the pictures times a billion. Or maybe only times 30. I jumped in the Buick with Mik & Terri to follow the Gradmobile, and we lost them because we had to go get fresh batteries and fresh faces. So, we just went back to the school. My back really hurt from sitting on the bleachers, and I couldn't really see the stuff on the screen. Ok, I gotta speed this up. The dance was next, and I had fun. I danced with Nick, he's really tall and really quiet. I danced with some other people as well, and my feet hurt from Cotton Eyed Joe, I wasn't wearing shoes for that one. Then it was time to go get ready for Green Lake. We piled into the Gradmobile, dropped Tom off, got into an accident, had rocks thrown at us by a very drunk Mike Hounsell, got ice cream, and I got really rained on. Kirsten & Tiff came to pick me, Tom and Christy up and then we were on our way. It was raining and lightning-ing a lot, and Kirsten was driving safely. Thanks for not joining in the car accidents Kirsten.

Ok, Green Lake. We got there, it was still pouring, but the cabin was dry inside. Well, it wasn't a dry party, but anyways... I stole/shared some of Mitch's alcohol and the fun began. Basically, there was some dancing, cuddling, making outing, puking (way to go Morgan), portrait drawings courtesy of Jared Fingler, blanket wrestling, Jared getting massages from Kelsie's and my vibrating laugh, some picture taking that hopefully have already been deleted, and some no sleeping for me. I had a lot of fun, but felt super gross by the time we got breakfast. I met a girl with my last name, no relation. Apparently, alcohol makes me fall in love with Tom.

Awesome God

There have been a few cases in my life where God has completely blown me away. My faith is so small and yet He provides. I've been looking for a grad ticket for a couple weeks, today Kim asked if I still needed one. She told me Madge had a few extra and to give her a call. So I did, and then picked it up. Awesome part one. I went to Efree for their last youth group tonight, which was great. I heard a phone ringing and thought to check mine. But I missed the call. Luckily they left a message, because I had no idea who's number it was. It was Daune asking me to come in early tomorrow. I'd been worrying all day about being able to go to grad now that I had the ticket. I usually work 9-6 on Fridays, which would make it impossible to go to the afternoon ceremonies. So, by going in early tomorrow, I can go to grad. I'll work the morning on Friday instead of the afternoon and not have to make up for any lost hours. Amazing part two. So, today was a good day off. God is amazing and I'm glad he loves me.

And The Clock Struck Midnight

I just had a pretty great day. I got up, spent over $100 on things I probably don't need but will be able to use for a long time, went out for lunch with Muzzer, and made a mad dash for the shower. Then it was dress, hair, makeup, nails, shoes and out the door. All in a mere fourty minutes! Believe me people, that's impressive. I went to Matthew and Robin (Schroeder) Roger's wedding. It was so nice. I nearly cried when Matthew sang to Robin. Nearly. The reception was really good. An awesome powerpoint presentation, really good food and a lot of laughs. While they were moving the tables for the dance, Nancy and I went and changed our footwear. I'm so glad I did! My feet were killing me. All for the price of fashion I suppose. Then back to the dance, which hadn't started yet. It was good times. I danced a bit, sometimes crazy, sometimes normally. I even taught, or tried to, teach Kashtin how to polka. The funny thing about changing footwear is, I took my shoes off about 15 minutes after the dance started. I thought of Travis when "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" was played, but he'd already left. It was really nice to see people I hadn't seen for awhile, like Felix & Margurite and Candy & Vernon. I miss those folks. So, it was a lovely evening. I wore a great dress, which had some minor malfunctions, killer shoes (seriously), my hair dried to great curls, and I never smudged my makeup, other than lipstick on my teeth a few times. Alas, the night had to come to an end. It was a lot of fun, but this Cinderella didn't find a Prince tonight. I didn't even catch the bouquet either. Oh well, there's plenty more weddings this summer!

Have you ever wanted to be part of something bigger? To wake up one day and be told you're a princess, or that you are a descendant of a great and valiant knight? I have on many occaisions. To find out that my family did great things in history; that I am a part of a royal line; that I could be worthy of life in a castle. You see, history excites me, intrigues me, makes my heart beat faster, even skip a beat. I love movies that make history come alive, or books that take me on adventures to faraway lands. I want to go on these adventures, see the places I've read about. I want to walk where famous artists, playwrites, philosophers and doctors have walked. Can you imagine standing in the basement of the Louvre, or on the sands of the great Colleseum, or sit in a seat in a marvelous banquet hall? Am I only ever going to read and dream about these things? I sincerly hope not. Who knows? Maybe one day they'll be reading about me in the history books!

Mekai Burke Metz

I can't believe I've waited three days to blog about my new nephew! Tim & Clare had their baby on Sunday at 12:59pm. It was an interesting day for me. I waited up til 3:30am for Eryn to come home, she's staying here til her house is liveable, and fell asleep soon after. I must've been out of the country when I was dreaming, because mom came to my door at 7:30 and asked, "Are you going to Tim's or am I?" What? Tim's, Tim who? Who's going to Tim's? I'll go to Tim Horton's, but you might have to drive. As you can see, I was very confused. "It's time." OH! Get out, I'm not wearing pants! So, I went over and played with Nick & Shanna til Frank & Mary, Clare's parents, got there. I went home, showered and went to church. I don't really remember what Pastor Tyler said, I was too excited. Plus, the phone rang a couple times, which got me more excited, but it wasn't for me. Then I came home and waited. Is he here yet? Is he here yet? Tim called at 1:30 and told us Mekai was born. But, we had to wait til three to meet him. That was possibly the longest hour and a half of my life! haha. So, mom & I went to Extra Foods, got flowers and a Mack toffee bar and went to the hospital. He's so cute! and little. He looks a lot like Tim. Last night I went to their house and held him for a long time, and then he had his first bath! He enjoyed it, but didn't like getting dried off because it was probably cold. Mom and I went over today and she held him mostly. I love him. I'm glad they live close for this kid. I tried putting pics on here, but it's being dumb. There's some on Facebook.

Apparently it was me being dumb. So, here's some of him when he was only 3 hours old.

Another Rant...

I'm sick and tired of you telling me what to do. What makes you think you're in any positon to give me advice, especially financial, when you're putting our family into debt? Why do you think you can talk to me and expect me to listen? You are the only one who's against me moving out. Big surprise there. Not. You see that you've lost your grip on me and are afraid of me being free of you. Too bloody frickin bad. You have no control over me. Let me live my life and make my OWN decisions. Just because you're life is pitiful and you're miserable, doesn't mean the rest of us have to be too. Who the hell do you think you are? You lost any influencial position in my life long ago. You only take notice of my life when you disapprove or figure out new ways, which are getting old fast, to screw me up. Does it bother you that much that I'm finally succeeding? That I might actually be happy now? You just can't handle that can you? I'm sorry if you were told you'd never amount to anything all your life, but I'm not you. I will succeed and do great things. I break any generational curses that have been passed down through you. I am covered by the blood of Jesus Christ and any lies and word curses you've placed upon me are broken now.