Change Number Four

Alrighty. Another change. I liked my old one, but clicked a few things and got something I wanted, and had to change the template. Oh well. I like green. It's good people. I'm almost ready to send in my application to Nipawin. I just need to find my SIN card and ask people to be references. I felt kinda weird writing a personal profile, but I got it done. (After procrastinating a whole day). Right now, I only signed up for the first year, but I would love to stay and get a Bachelor of Christian Ministry in Missions. Who would've guessed, eh? Haha.

So, Lent started yesterday, and I decided to fast from non-Christian music. Sounds easy right? Not. I made a Lent List (playlist), and have been listening to that. It's gone good so far, just when I wake up with a FOB song in my head or something it's tough. Let's see if I can do better than last year. Cuz I completely sucked back then.

Time to go eat some delicious pizza. Mmm chicken and roasted red peppers.

Trust Issues Anyone?

I'm a bit upset right now. I made this blog to be free to express my thoughts and feelings. I'm okay with my friends and some family members reading it, but I asked my mom specifically not to try and find it. By following a link on Ryan & Kath's blog, she found it. Don't worry guys, it's not your fault. I even asked her not to click on the link. She said she wouldn't. I was showing Jennifer Ryan and Kath's blog and saw that the link to mine had been clicked. On my mom's account. I asked, "I thought I asked you not to read my blog". The reply, "Well, I had to see what you were writing." Uh, no you didn't. If there's something I wanted you to know, I would've told you. And if you really wanted to know something, you could've asked me. Why did you have to go behind my back and break my trust? I don't frickin understand that. Yes, I realize this blog is public, and that it doesn't take a rocket scientist to find it, but when I ask someone not to read it, I expect them not to. It's kind of ironic, because I wrote in my Genesis Process book things that are making me uncomfortable ex and internally. One of them was expectations not met. Interesting. Like, now I don't even feel comfortable writing the stuff I want to. Really, who else is reading this? Obviously if I've given you the link I'm okay with it, but I feel like my mom totally invaded my privacy. Whatever, I'm frickin emotional and probably PMSing. If only it were Patrick Martin Stump-ing. One step forward, two steps back I guess.

Alrighty, well I'm back home now. I'll catch up again from where I left off.

So Friday, I did have a shower and felt oh so good. Then Matthew came looking for Nic, but she was still at Kelvin's. So he went over there, and then she showed up. Kinda funny. We hung out a bit then Matthew came back. We dropped him off at Northwest and went to go get Chas. He wasn't at Jessica's any more, they had gone to Bean There. So, we drove all the way back to town and found them there. We went to Sev and then to get Matthew. He wasn't at the church any more. Pastor Dan had taken him to the Dub. So we went there. They hadn't started the interview yet because too many people at the church had been congratulating Matthew. So, the three of us came to my house. We watched some 7th Heaven and Dr. Phil. I was grossed out, mostly by Dr. Phil, but also because there was a 500lb woman on his show. But, Chas made everything better with his commentary. And he got to meet my mom. So, we went to pick Matthew up and headed home. We talked about Brent and Ian a lot on that trip. We had supper and then went downstairs to play Battleship pool. Chas and Nicole won a game each. Then Nic and Matt played some regular pool. We all played Yahtzee and Nicole and I beat the boys by a lot. Nicole won overall though. We spent about an hour arguing over the boys wanting to play Risk and Nicole not wanting to. So, we just chatted. Matthew went upstairs to do something, and Chas started telling Nicole some stories of his past. I walked in right after he started. They were pretty interesting stories I tell ya. I was very encouraged by what he said. He's screwed up a lot, but God still forgave him and has given him hope and faith. It was a good chat. Then we all talked about whether it's okay to go evangelize in bars or at parties. I think we all had a different opinion in the end. After talking more, we went to bed.

(Saturday) Vernon asked us to help him move square bales in the morning, so we all got up around 9:30. It was fun times, even I helped out. I moved a lot in the first round, and then I mostly supervised the second time. There's only so much room to be helpful in, so I stayed out of the way. Nicole said that we got done faster because I was there to help, making me feel really good. We went home, had lunch and a nap. The boys went in to town to visit Joel. Then Nicole and her parents went out to Schroeder's for supper and wedding plans. I stayed home(there), and watched Gaither's, A Walk to Remember, and most of The Notebook. They came back and Nicole wanted to kill me for watching chick-flicks. Us four went downstairs and talked, then Gayce came over and joined the chat. Chas told us his whole name and we laughed a bit. His name is Chasmund Charles Martin. He has the same middle name as Darryl Schroeder as Nicole found out. We talked about Bible school a bit, I learned some stuff about Nipawin (more later) and then the three bible school kids talked about soccer matches. Gayce went home and we told Chas we were leaving for church at 10. We went to bed. I read, finished John, read some Captivating and tried to go to sleep. No dice. So, I wrote and prayed. Tried again. Nope. Vernon started snoring. I grabbed the sleeping bag and headed downstairs. The couch was super uncomfortable and the fire was making creepy shadows. "Nicole, can I sleep with you?" "Jump in." hehe. Still, no sleep. Nicole got up and took cough medicine. Still nothing. What time is it I wonder? 4:30, grr. Well, I guess I'll just keep thinking, since it doesn't seem possible to stop these thoughts. Roll over. What time is it now? Open your eyes Jo. 7:30? What? I guess I did sleep. Let's try again. No. Nothing. There's Matthew's alarm. I don't hear him moving at all. Half an hour later he gets up and showers. He's definately going to be late. Okay, now we wait until it's a decent hour for me to get up. La la lala. This sucks. I'm going to go eat a banana. 15 minutes later: "Nicole, you have to wake up Chas, it's time to get up." And time for me to shower. Ok, water feels good. Uh oh, how do you work this thing? Good thing Candy was up. Okay, wow this pressure sucks out loud. Okay, clothes make me feel warmer. Time to blow dry my hair. This should be interesting, no hair product in it. Yikes, I have big hair. Ok, ponytail it is. Time to go to church. Oh boy, this is going to be an interesting day, three hours of sleep. When we got to church, Jessie told me she dreamt about me all night. Uh, ok, weird. Then I held Reagan while she went home to get his blanket. He started fussing, so I gave him a cookie. Haha, Nicole says my kids are going to be fat; "Don't cry, here, have some food!". Then Gayce showed up and church started. Goooooooood times. Tyler spoke on exactly what I needed to hear, dreams. So then I went and talked to him about my confusions. You see, I feel like God's given me like 5 different places to go, and I thought I had to do them all as soon as he told me. Turns out, I don't. So, the whole Jerusalem thing, yeah, turns out I wasn't meant to go immediately. I have the assurance that I am still called there and will go. In God's time. And Bethany? Well, I think I was called to bible school, and Bethany was the most logical option. After talking about Nipawin and hearing that Nicole felt strongly that I should go there, I'm thinkin that's what God meant by bible school. Plus, it's about $3000 cheaper than Bethany. Man, Ty's prayer for me was amazing. He's been telling me a few times that he sees me with a very powerful call of authority on my life and that I'm going to do great things for the Kingdom. Yeah, it takes a few times for things like that to get through to me. But hey, if God wants to use me to do great things, who am I to argue? We kidnapped Kelvin and went back home. Actually, we picked some stuff up and got gas first. Candy had an amazing lunch ready when we got there. Then we watched Happy Gilmore and Robin pulled out some bridal magazines. Then I had a nap. It was delicious. I woke up when I heard, "She looks dead". The six of us, Robin & Matthew, Nicole & Kelvin, and Chas & I went over to Grandma and Grampa's. Of course we got pop and food. Then Felix came in, looked at the ring and raised his eyebrow's in his Felix way. We went home and had supper. Nicole & Kelvin went and played pool and talked. The four of us talked about Nipawin. Well, they answered my questions mostly. Then we went out to Logan's. Nicole and Lacey had to drop Kelvin off and pick up Dustin, so the rest of us watched tv. When they got there we had just started watching Bruce Almighty. Pretty good movie. We basically just watched tv and talked. Robin, Matthew & Chas decided to leave, so I grabbed my stuff from the van and said goodbye. We stayed a bit longer and then left. I came home, took some drugs, and went to bed.

And that, my friends, is what I've been up to this week.

Love Is In The Air

Ok, so I've been at Nicole's since Wednesday and couldn't update there. That's okay though, we had good times. Let's start then shall we? On Wed. I: made and delivered v-day cards at school, went for lunch with Nicole, then got ready for our big date. We all headed to KFC (romantic eh?) and ordered a LOT of food. The smell made me sick, so strong. Then we headed to E-Free and set up a table. We put a tablecloth on, candles (thanks Rob), a rose (fake), and sparkly pipe-cleaners. It was very romantic. We even used the good dishes. haha. So we ate, talked, toasted the Colonel, and almost had a piano player, but then they went and played upstairs. Then the youth came and I got to see Morgan, Mitch & Clint. And all the rest too :). Nicole and I went to care group, and as I called it, Blanche had made a cake. It was quite good, rhubarb crisp or something. I usually don't like that stuff, but this was good. Then I went to stay at her house. After Candy and Nicole had gone to bed, the phone rang, but Nicole answered. Then she came upstairs and started giggling. You see, it was Logan's number. Matthew called. Matthew and Robin are engaged!!! So we waited for Matt and Chas (bible school friend) to come home. It was very exciting. Nicole and Matthew woke up Candy, who thought something was wrong, and Chas and I played with Raskel. We stayed up a bit longer, then went to bed.

Thursday: Nicole got called in to work, I stayed in bed. I got up around 1 and went to read in Nicole's room with the music on. I went upstairs and the boys and I made lunch. Tomato soup and grilled cheese never fails. We sat around a bit, then decided to play a board game. The only one out that wasn't blocked by an air hockey table was Risk. So, I played. First time. It was a bit confusing at first, but the guys were really helpful. Chas got killed first. And then Matthew pretty much took world domination. I had most of Asia and all of Austrailia/Indonesia. Then, the boys played Mario Kart and I laughed at Chas because he talks to the players and calls them morons. It was quite entertaining. We had supper, good times also, and the boys played more video games. During supper Robin called and asked Nicole to be a bridesmaid, so she cheered up (she was grumpy because she was tired from work/little sleep). Then Candy and I kicked the boys off the tv and we all watched Survivor. Deal or no deal was on next, Canada edition, and Chas made fun of the people on there too. It was very humorous. I got a pillow thrown at me by Kelvin who was on the phone, he must have super powers, and I talked to him a bit. We watched King of the Hill and then the Daily Show. Both very funny, especially with Chas' commentary. Yeah, he's a good guy. Then we went to bed again.

Today: Got up, Nicole made soup, watched some Family Feud, dropped Chasoff at Jessica F's, picked Robin up at Efree, came home. Good times I tell ya. My kitten is apparently missing. That makes me sad. I hope he comes back. I need to shower and get new clothes. I'm off to Nicole's again tonight. Have a good weekend!

Life and Love

GAH! I'm so emotional right now. I need to get regular sleep. A regular schedule, not staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. Man, I don't know what was wrong, but while watching Home Makeover tonight, I cried a bit. What I mean is, I let myself cry only once. I almost lost it big time a few other times, but I'm too tough for that haha. Man, life is busy. Its getting so hard to find time to hang out with everyone. I enjoy the people I'm spending time with, but I really miss the other people too. I thought by getting a cell phone I'd be more connected to people, but it hasn't really worked out that way. Its easy to say life goes on, but it sucks when people get left behind.

I'm pretty excited for Valentine's day. Shh, don't tell anyone! haha. Nicole, Aaron K and maybe Logan are all going out for supper together. It should be some good times of being single. Possibly a bit cynical and painful, but I guess that comes with heartbreak, old or recent. Oh well, I'm glad to spend time with them, they're good people.

I'm gonna go back to surfing the web and watching Princess Bride. As Nicole would say, I'm so pathetic.

Time to Change

I felt that I needed to change. No, I'm still in my pajama's, but thought I'd change the look of my blog (again). This template is one I'd saved along with the one I used previously. I like it. And if I get bored again, I have more I could use. I hope this acutally works. Holly said she hasn't seen anything new on here since Jan. 13, I dunno, maybe blogger farted and forgot to say excuse me. Who knows? Not like my life is that exciting anyways. Yep, so I changed again. Have fun!

Wow! I think I'm in love. Yep, I've been bitten by the movie star/emo rocker cupid bug. It's official, I'm in love with Jared Leto. Who is this dashing young fellow? Well, he's not actually that young. 36, but who's counting? He's been in several movies such as Alexander, which I watched last night, and is the lead singer/guitarist of his band 30 Seconds to Mars. I saw the music video for "From Yesterday" and was encaptured by his piercing blue eyes. Don't worry this is a completely shallow crush. But hey, a girl can appreciate the beauty of God's creation right? I like celebrity crushes, no one gets hurt. You don't have to like him, but I just thought I'd dedicate a blog to Jared Leto. Why? Because it's the month of love (and black history ^.^) and I'm not in love, but have to endure the assault of pink and red hearts everytime I go out of the house. So, I don't see any harm in a celebrity crush. At first, when I watched other music videos, I was thinking "You're not an actor Jared!", but after watching Alexander I was introduced to Hephaistion aka Jared Leto. Wow, can that boy act! Plus, he got to wear eyeliner in the movie! Aside from the fact he played a gay guy who was in love with Alexander the Great (Collin Farrell), I think he did a very good job in that movie. So there it is, hot off the presses: Joanna has a celebrity crush on Jared Leto. Deal with it. hehe.

I can't think of a title for this one. I don't really know where to start either. I didn't sleep at all on Tuesday night. It was pretty rough. I was very tempted to take myself to the hospital early Wed. morning because I'd been sick in the night witht the same thing making me sick since Saturday. I didn't, but I went to the clinic when mom went to work.They said come back in the afternoon. So I went and hung out at the door and then decided, since I was there I may as well go to work till I went to the dr. It was alright I suppose. If you look past the anger of seeing my name crossed off the schedule and the fact that I got fired. Past all that, it was a good time... Sorry, I'm a bit bitter. Whatever, it wasn't working out anyways. So, I went and saw Nicole at Martodam's and decided she would take me to the clinic after she got off work. Mom drove me home and I slept for about two hours. We went and I saw Dr. Loots. She's really nice, I like having her as a doctor. I told her what's been going on lately, not eating or sleeping much. She decided to admit me and just keep me under observation. What she wrote on the admission form was Anorexia/Depression, because that's what I'd told her about. So, Nicole took me to the hospital, after talking to my mom and Merv & Blanche and grabbing some stuff at home. I got two of the worst nurses I've ever had. I asked for food, took over a half hour. I asked for blankets, never came. At lunch time on Thursday, I ate as much as I could, but was basically forced to eat more. I no longer like hospitals. They gave me a sleeping pill that only lasted for 3 hours, then I kept waking up through the night. I talked to a counsellor about what was happening, but it felt like she was scolding me for what I was doing to myself. I beat myself up enough without having to hear it from a professional. I was let out around 2, but Dr. Loots wanted to see me at the clinic right away. So I went and talked to her. She's going to talk to Dr. Mamood (sp?), a psychiatrist in North Battleford (yay -.-), and refer me to Bev from Mental health (yay again >.<). She didn't prescribe anything, because she hadn't gotten ahold of the psych(o). I went home and slept, until Nicole and Kelvin came about a half hour after I'd laid down. Nicole and I went for supper with our mom's and then I was going to go to Nicole's for the night. We had to drop movies off at the movie store and pay the late fees. I felt like we should go see Rob, so we did, but he told us to come back at 8:30 because it was still Jr. Youth. So we were going to see Tyler, but he wasn't there, just Deb. So we talked to her and she talked and prayed. We went back to see Rob and he beat me up a bit haha. It was for my own good though. Even if he made me cry after I said I wasn't going to. Then we prayed and finally went to Nicole's. On the way, we listened to Barlow Girl and I was all of a sudden inspired to write (This is Truth). So I grabbed my note book (luckily I'd kept it in my bag) and started writing in the dark. I wrote all the way til we were parked. Then we hung out with Candy and talked to eachother from two different bathrooms. Fun times haha. I took my pill (Dr. Loots said it'd be okay to take it to help me sleep), and we both went to bed. I slept through the night! Now I'm home and writing this. Needless to say, I've had an exciting/stressful week.