Tuesday, January 30, 2007

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Let me tell you a story about this weekend. Kelvin and I went to Nicole's for a sleepover on Saturday. We were all kind of grumpy and then after a few rounds of pool (I won once YAY), we all cheered up. Then Will called. (Nicole's cuz) First Unfortunate Event. He told her some bad news, and she cried a lot. After everything was under control, we all went to play in the snow. We were having a lot of fun, but Scruffy scratched Nic's lip and my ski-pants were ripped, so we went in and I changed and she checked out her lip. (#2) Again, we went out in the snow. We went to the sand hill and slid down a bit. We were all at the bottom and Scruffy was being annoying and climbing over us all. Nicole tried to push her off Kelvin, but she scratch beneath his bottom lip. I thought it was like Nicole's, so I laughed a bit. Then he pulled his hand away and it was covered in blood. I stopped laughing. (#3) We went to the house, Nicole was crying, and I got to do some First Aid! Well, I got the kit out, Kelvin cleaned up his lip and I tried to bandage him up and talk him in to getting stitches. Finally he gave in and I called the hospital telling them we were coming in. (He never did let me bandage him up, so close though!) We sat and waited, the nurse cleaned him up a bit more and we waited for Dr. Snyman to come in. Just so you all know, it was 3am when we got to the hospital. So, the Dr stitched him up, four stitches, I left the room though. But, I didn't even pass out. I just felt queasy. We went back home (Nicole's) and had some awkward moments due to the accident. After reassuring Nicole that it wasn't her fault and that we were all just messing around, we played more pool. I was still feeling rather queasy, and sure enough, my stomach exploded. (#4) So then I went to bed, but read for like 9 billion hours. Actually, I think it was only 1 hour. Nicole woke me up and asked if I was going to church, I said no, as my tummy was still icky. So I slept some more. Man I love sick sleeps. So deep. I seriously think I squinched the entired night though, made me a bit sore. Then they came home, we hung out, ate some foods, played some games. I schooled everyone at Dutch Blitz. And totally beat Kelvin at Ping Pong. (Not really, cuz we didn't keep score, but I was much funnier to watch I'm sure.) Then, my tummy exploded some more. We all went to bed, and I finished the book I was reading, finished Mark and started Luke. Then I woke up, went looking for Nicole, since she had to work. She was up, but the roads were bad, so she called in. We all slept some more, got up, had some lunch, watched some tv (me), played some pool (them), and slept some more. Then we went in to town for Cleansing Stream. It was pretty good. After that, we went to Kelvin's and watched The Passion of the Christ. I love that movie so much. We all cried. Now I'm home, listening to music and updating all of you. I have so much homework to do tomorrow; two weeks of Cleansing Stream and Genesis Process. And I haven't started. I think one of the things I learned this weekend was "a bicycle only needs two wheels". Go figure eh? Whatever, I'm over it and am happy now. Another thing I learned, one meal a day for a week = not being able to eat solid foods for awhile. I'm so smart. Oh well, I know God forgives me when I mess up and that I'll learn from all this.

Signing off heartbroken and hungry,
hehe it's like a letter! (It's okay guys, I'm just crazy.)

Friday, January 19, 2007

Confusing Dream

I just woke up from a really confusing dream. I don't even know where to begin. K, well, I was in Calgary with my family, for a reason that didn't present itself in the dream. Then, Dad, Tim & Phil went to the airport with me. I think they were seeing me off (not sure where I was going), but then they all got on the plane with me. When we landed we were in Britain. What? We went in to the airport there (which looked more like a fancy hotel lobby) and looked around a bit. Phil and I went to find a phone. The phones were interactive tv stations. You picked what you wanted to do (make a call) and a phone keypad showed up. It was really high-tech. There was an older lady sitting behind where we were standing. For some reason, I sat with her and she asked where I was from. I had to explain how Canada was set up first of all and then we got to this confusing conversation:

(After talking about Can.) (Me) "The reason why I'm in Britain is because it is where God told me to go. You see, I was planning to go to Bible school in the fall, but then God told me to come here. I asked him, 'Why Britain? There's nothing there but sheep'. (The lady laughed at this). After much prayer, God spoke again and said, 'Go, teach my sheep.' And I knew that I had to go where he lead me." The old lady then invited us all to a "creamyard celebration". Those are the words I heard. What's a creamyard, is it like a vineyard? So confusing!

Hmm, what's missing from this conversation? Oh, I know! Jerusalem! And Britain, what's that about anyways? Throughout the entire dream I called it Britain. I never knew what airport I was in, or even what city I was supposed to go to.

I really need some prayer for direction. I dont know where I'm supposed to go, I just know I'm supposed to go. I've had three options given to me, all of which I believe were given by God. But, I can't be in three places at once! Is there an order in which I'm s'posed to go to these places? Am I going to them all, or do I have to decide between them? The dream I had about Bethany, seemed to take place in the near future (Darcy was in it). This one about Britain seemed like it was happening now, I had my purse and cellphone with me there. And when God told me to go to Jerusalem, I still had to finish school. Is this what Merv was talking about, opening your ears to hear from God? Or is this just some crazy dream? GAH! I guess I'm going to be praying a lot about this. Maybe its just all this snot floating around in my cranium. Maybe someone at care group will have some words of wisdom for me.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Snot-Nosed Kid

Holy crap, where is all this sickly snot coming from? I am always amazed that a nose so small can house so much yuckiness. If you haven't guessed, I have a cold. It sucks. Oh well. So, I had a "fun" day at the clinic today. I went in, thinking I had a bladder infection and sat for about 2 1/2 hrs. They called me, I peed in a cup (fun), and sat in a room. I got the dr that I cannot understand what he's saying (more fun). He said I don't have an infection, but gave me a prescription, told me to come back if it doesn't get better. While he was out of the room, my fingernails turned completely blue. It was quite scary. So, he checked my heart, breathing and my toenails. They were also a bit blue. Everything went back to normal after that, because I'd been taking deep breaths. It was probably just from not breathing deeply due to this cold. He said if there's any concern tomorrow, to go to the hospital. Yay, sounds like fun! In other news, I slept most of the day. It was alright. I'm sore from going to the gym last night. Haha. I'll probably sleep most of tomorrow too. Man I need a better job! I filled out most of the application form for Bethany, I just have to get some addresses and ask Rob & Eryn to be my references. (Rob, if you're reading this, will you be my reference for Bethany? I've got all the stuff ready for filling out.) I think I can get up to $600 off my tuition through a bunch of incentives they have. I should look into Student Loans as well. Man, it feels like I don't have all that much to talk about anymore. I like going to the Bridge and am excited to be involved in a bunch of things through that. My schedule's been pretty full lately. Monday is Discipleship class, Tuesday is Genesis Process (dealing with addictions/support group), and Wednesday is Care Group/Bible study. Thursday-Saturday are hang-out days, so if anyone wants to hang out, give me a call or something. This Sat. is Mom's 57th birthday and we're going for supper at Nor' Wester, then to the North West to watch her year in review slide show. Then, Sunday is church day. Fun times I tell you! The building was really cold last week, but it kept me awake and listening, haha. The whole service is so awesome, the worship, testimonies, the sermon; they just all seem to be directed at me and what's going on in my life. Its super cool. Plus, I get to spend time with Nicole & Eryn, two very cool ladies. Anyways, I think I'm going to go play a game that I've beat like 5 times, its very relaxing. Ciao! (I'm so not Portugese).

Monday, January 15, 2007

100th Poem!

So yeah, I wrote my 100th poem the other day. Check it out: http://www.froannaspoetry.blogspot.com

Don't be afraid to comment on my stuff, I like feedback. It helps me to know what people like and what I need to improve on. ^.^

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I spend the majority (sadly) of my time watching romantic movies, reading romance books and writing poems about love and romance? Why, when I have none of that stuff in my life? Girls, why do we do this to ourselves? We get lost in the fantasy on screen, page and print. I am sick of wondering if I'll ever find "true love". Of wondering if there's a guy out there for me, or if I've missed my chance. Mind you, I'm young and have plenty of time to find Mr.Right, but my heart is longing for some reality through all these romantic fantasies. I've found the love of God recently in my life, and it is amazing! God wants to be my Lover, my Fiance, my Husband. And I want him to be that, but I also want to feel love from a man. I'm not saying I'm gonna go out and have sex with the next guy I see, (ever sick), but waiting is wearying. I want to have those special glances and touches, the words meant for only me, the little notes I find after a beautiful evening. I want to be pursued, fought for, to share my beauty, to play an irreplaceable role. By the way, I just finished reading Captivating by John & Stasi Eldridge, so I might bring that stuff up a bit. It was an amazing book that taught me a lot of things. Mainly about healing wounds, no longer believing the lies I tell myself, claiming a beauty to share, and being needed as a woman.
*Sigh* I just want to be loved and to have my Question answered. Is that too much to ask?

Thursday, January 11, 2007

At the end of the day, I'm okay because I know that I am one day, one hour, one minute, closer to meeting my Lord and Saviour. With every breath I take, I know He's given me one more breath with which to praise Him. Everytime I open my eyes, I know that He's blessed me with sight with which to see the beauty He's placed all around me. But at the end of the day, I pray for one more day, one more hour, one more minute to give to others the love He's given me. The love I'm not worthy of, but given gracefully and freely.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Welcome Boys

Well, I thought I'd say welcome to the people who are reading this. I didn't realize this spot was so popular or whatever. So, hello Jared, Mitch and Morgan. Uh, and Clint if he ever happens upon this blog. I don't think I have to worry about offending any of you, but just so you know, this is just a place for me to uncork the bottle of my range of emotions. I've also got a poetry blog, which you probably've already read (Morgan). I'm hoping that those will be a bit more upbeat and not so depressing. I just hope I remember how to write about happy things. haha.

In other news, church was AMAZING today. I mean, God might've had something to do with it, but I was highly impressed. Was God always this cool? I wish I'd known sooner. Would've saved a lot of trouble. But, God brought me through it because he knew I could handle it. He knew that these past years have and will continue to shape my testimony. I've been told so many times that I will help people deal with the very things I've struggled with. Sure it was encouraging, but I was angry and didn't understand why I had to feel the pain first. Now I know that, if I hadn't gone through all this, how would I be believable to the people I'm supposed to help? I wouldn't be able to say, Ya, I've been there too, if I hadn't. Man God rocks! I just can't begin to explain what a change I feel in my life. It's only been three day, but all it took was prayer. If people say prayer doesn't do anything, they are wrong. I know that prayer does change things. Everything the girls prayed about for me was right on, things only God knew about me. Things only he could get through to me about. Its weird, before, I would almost use my depression as an excuse. Now, I don't even identify myself as having it anymore. God told Eryn to pray that I'd be healed of my depression. She believed and prayed and I believe I was healed. It is no longer a part of me. Can I get an Amen?! AMEN! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I'm so happy. No more masked happiness, no more forced happiness, just pure, God-sent happiness. I don't even remember what that used to feel like. I don't have to try and remember though, now I know. God never left me all those years. There was still a light of hope shining in the darkness. I gave the darkness permission to close in around me. No longer though. Satan will have no hold over me ever again! I have the authority of Jesus Christ and the power to break the chains he tries to entangle me in. Those chains are like sugar, easily dissolved by the Living water. I'll probably be talking about God a lot more on here and in life, so get used to it. I'm on fire and I never want to lose it. I was so ready to give up, to close my eyes to the light, now I'm so glad I held on just a bit longer. That ladder that was broken, has been restored, and I'm climbing towards the light. No, I'm surrounded by the light. The darkness has been demolished and banished from my life. I'm so excited for the year ahead of me. This is the year! (man I wish I knew that song! haha). I'd really appreciate prayer (I'm such a prayer hog) concerning plans for the fall. Just so you all know, I'm still planning on going to Jerusalem, but feel that now is not the time. I feel called to go to Bible school and dive into God's word. There's so much he has to teach me and I want to soak it up. I feel led towards Bethany, but also to Into His Harvest. I'm not sure where I'll go, but God knows. He will provide the answers and the finances. I would love to go to either of those schools, but I know I need to choose one. I know I just gotta trust God for patience, timing and understanding. I don't want to go back to my old life. I want there to be a noteable change in me. And I want it to stay. I don't want this to be just a spiritual high like after camp or something. I have a peace and reassurance that I've found something solid and concrete on which to build my faith upon. AH! I'm so excited about what God's doing in my life and in my friend's lives! I can't wait to see what He's got in store for me!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

God Showed Up!

Okay, so this is pretty rough, I just copied it from an msn convo, but I think it's all there.

i helped Eryn and Dan haul stuff over to the christian acadamy and then we all (nic was there too) started talking out side. talked about a bunch of stuff, and dan was saying how God moves and jazz like that. something struck a chord with me, so we get in nic's van and follow Eryn around...anyways...
nic and i weren't even out of the drive way and i told her that i'd made an appointment with Gavin to get help for anorexia...we met up and were driving with Eryn and picked lana up. before lana Eryn said she felt a shiver or something, but didn't say what it was. so we get Lana and decide to go pray somewhere, for all the people who are coming to bridge on sunday
we did that, then Eryn said "i think Jo has a testimony" i was confused, thinking she meant like the whole, i grew up in a christian home yadda yadda...but i knew what she meant. so i told them what i'd told nic and they prayed for me. then we prayed for this tyler guy who was supposed to stay with Ty & Deb...they prayed for me again, this time against the power of satan in my life.
it was, to say the least, intense. they prayed about stuff i'd never told anyone. about lies i'd been hearing that no one else knew mattered.
then Eryn told me to lift my head up (i was cryin and hunched over with my head down) that God didn't condem me, but wants to lift me up. it was a struggle against the voices, but i lifted it up. once i did, i felt like i was on a mountain surrounded by sunlight. nicole told me i needed to declare that i am worthy of love and that i am beautiful. it was so hard to say those things out loud
finally i just yelled them out, along with telling Satan he had no power and a bunch of other things. Eryn, after prayer, said she'd seen a snake, brilliant orange in color. we don't know what it means, but we prayed against it too. also, that shiver she had, was a premonition or whatever that i would be healed from my depression!
man God is amazing! we drove around looking for the Tyler kid, but couldn't find him, so we went over to Helen Szpakowski's and had an intense prayer/prophesy time there. everyone was prayed over. God just revealed so much stuff to everyone and it was an amazing time.
for the first time in a long while, i smiled without forcing it. i ate, without hating myself. I truly believe God has healed me, but know too that I have a long road ahead because the Enemy doesn't want me to have this power, he's gonna try real hard to get it back.
i know that loving myself is going to take time and patience, but what i feel now i don't want to lose. i never want to feel unworthy or unbeautiful ever again.


Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Real Pain From my Sham-Friends

I don't know if I should bother writing about this, but I feel I need to get it out. I don't even care anymore if I offend anyone. I'm done being passive. I am sick and tired of being left out of the loop. Would it kill you to pick up the phone and see if I'm interested in being included? It may surprise you, but I miss hanging out with people. I don't understand what's been going on lately, but it really feels and appears that I've lost the majority of my friends. Sure, we still see each other from time to time, but we've lost the closeness we had last year and over the summer. I know I don't go to school with you anymore, but I am still alive! I've made attempts at being included, but I'm either "forgotten" or feel awkward somehow. I just need to get out of this town. Start fresh. It sucked bad enough last year losing touch with most of my grad friends. Especially right after my grampa died. Thanks for the support guys. Now that I don't see people every day it's like I've dropped of the face of the earth. What sucks the most is: not having someone to confide in, finding out about a get-together from someone else after I said I was free to hang out tonight, but mostly, feeling abandoned. I told Morgan something I've never told anyone else last night. Normally I would've been able to tell one of my best friends that, but we've become distant, so I took the first life-line I could I guess. I'm glad we're close enough for me to have told him, but I wish I had someone I could tell everything to. Duh, the obvious, God. And yes, I do talk to him lots, but I need something/one physical. Face to face. I hate writing this all because I feel like I'm complaining so much or that I'm gonna push my friends farther away. Like I said, it needed to get out, so here it is. I'm actually really surprised no one's figured out what I told Morgan, since I've been writing a couple poems about it. I tried to disguise the issue, but really, it doesn't take a rocket-scientist to read between the lines. At least, I'd hoped it wouldn't. Whatever, I'll just keep dealing with it as best I can. I'm just sick of talking through a keyboard. I hope and pray that my plans for Bethany actually happen. And that I can wait til fall before I completely fall apart. Blah. I'll end my bash/rant now.