Anticipation Aggravation

Last night, Kera went in to the hospital. She wasn't in labour though. And she's not hurt or anything. She had some non-threatening leakage. It was, for me, more exciting than scary. I thought she'd have the baby then, but I guess we'll have to keep waiting. Babies should learn how to come out on their due dates. They don't know what they put us Outsider's through! So, Kera's fine, other than being frustrated with the weather and being stuck (sort of) in the country.

I'm also anticipating the trip to Ontario for my cousin's wedding. We'll be there in a week. I want to build a time machine so I can go there now. haha. So much for my plea for patience, eh? I'm really excited to see my family, to shop (come on, like I'm going to not shop given the opportunity), and to see beautiful Niagra again. I haven't been there in 7 years. Pretty much to the day, since we were there for Ryan & Kath's wedding (July 22nd). Plus, Chris got me pretty excited when he talked about the nice, not disgustingly hot, weather and smooth, albeit busy, roads. I love Saskatchewan, but I gotta get out once in awhile.

My left eye is being dumb and leaking constantly. It's quite annoying and making my skin raw. I hope I don't have an infected duck. haha get it? Tear duct. Ok, that was lame.

Learning

I've been learning a lot about myself lately. Since house sitting, I've learned that I really enjoy living on my own. Of course, I don't have to pay the bills or fix anything, and I have to go back home in a few days, but I like the time I've had to myself. I admit, I have become a bit reclusive, but I've made efforts to hang out with others. I went up to Bethel with Jessica one Friday, spent time with Dan & Jessie and Regan, hung out with my family a bit, and had supper with Carmen & Daune a couple times. I've also read four books in the past two weeks. Three of them were over 300 pages. I've had a lot of quiet time, as you can tell. I love this house so much! For the first week, I could be found mainly in the sunroom, reading. Actually, most of the second week too. I watched a few movies, ate some good foods, and got annoyed at the partying neighbours. Thankfully, there were only two parties, and I fell asleep while they were still going. I'm not even allergic to Spaz! Which is good, because he's a really nice cat, but he needs to learn how to retract his claws. Plus, he looks so cute sleeping in my suitcase.

Another thing I've been learning, is I need a lot more patience. In my job, my goals, my life. I'm a pretty laid back person, but when I find something I want, and can't have right away, I get a bit antsy. Okay, a lot antsy. Like, a husband for instance. I know that God has someone already picked out and is preparing him, but it's so hard not knowing who he is. I do enjoy being single though. Not that I've been unsingle in a long time. I just want what I'm sure, almost, every girl wants. To be delighted in. To be cuddled, hugged, praised, encouraged, fought for, included.

A lesson I have to learn before the husband part can come is to delight myself in the Lord. I can't just get a guy and expect him to be everything I need. It's not fair or right. That's a job that no man, save Jesus, can do for me. I need to fall in love with Jesus, and let him show me how to love myself, before I can give myself and my love to another. This is much easier said than done. I'd love to blame it all on Satan, but that'd be giving him too much credit. Much of the blame lies with me being lazy and undisciplined. I've stopped spending time in the Word, don't do devotions, and basically only get pumped up in church or when I hear a really good song. So, now that I know what I'm doing wrong, how am I going to change it? I'd love to say, "I'm going to spend an hour reading the Bible everyday" or "I'm going to be a better Christian", but those I've tried and quit before. Here's my plan: I have at least one day off every week. I'm going to try and turn it into a Day In. A day in the Word, in the presence of God, in love with God. I'll probably start off small, so as not to get discouraged. Like, maybe not a whole day, but an hour or two. Who knows, maybe I'll fall head over heels on the first day and not want to stop? I'm sure this is going to be a battle, and would appreciate prayer and accountability.

Well, those are a few things I've been learning about myself. I've got a pretty good Teacher, I'd say.

I Want To Be Small

As I sit here and listen to "Small" by Amanda Falk, I think of my relationships and my life. I realize that I've been trying to run things. Has it worked? Heck no. I need to let go, and let God take the controls. Again. I've been striving for a relationship with someone who doesn't return the feelings, when I should be striving for a deeper relationship with my God who's feelings for me are unmatched by any other. He's told me that he has someone planned for me. Someone to love me as he does. Yet, I still try to do things my way. I need to be patient. I need to remember that the plans I have are small compared to the things God has in store for me. I feel such a great need at this point in my life to be quiet, and seek God's presence. What I've been doing is as close to running from it as I can get. I have a huge house all to myself, with a beautiful yard to sit in God's creation, and yet I keep myself indoors. Why? I sit in a room of windows, marvelling at the beauty of nature around me, yet don't take the steps to be a part of it. I have such a deep longing for something deep, and still I take no affirmative action. I'm longing to be loved deeply, and don't dwell in the love God is showering on me.

A Grad Way More Fun Than My Own

Ok, I've been trying to avoid blogging about this, but since all the cool people, aka Robin & Jared already have, I thought I'd join in. Maybe they're not all the cool people, but they're the only ones who've done so thus far.

So, Graduation Day 2007 went a little like this. From my POV anyways. (Get it, that's an English term, thanks Mrs. Bachiu). I got up at 7:30 to shower, get ready and make sure I had clothes to wear to grad. Then I went to work. Dylan fell asleep on me, and I actually managed to put him to sleep in his crib. Unfortunately, he only slept for 20 minutes. So, he was still pretty tired. Then Daune came home and we let Dylan play with our cell phones. It was fun times. I went home, ate some KD, finished getting ready, and went to the school where I found Jared and sat with him. The afternoon ceremony was quite boring, but then again so was mine. Just a bunch of people giving heartwarming speeches and handing out money. I loved the theme and the mural that Leanne did was amazing! Then I took pictures of some people on the "cool" grad props and went back home. I cleared the camera so I could take more pictures later, changed footwear and got dad to drive me around. I arrived at Efree and, like Jared said, tried to start a non-grad table, but ended up sitting with Robin's family. This was fine and dandy, Mik and Terri are a hoot. Next came the pictures times a billion. Or maybe only times 30. I jumped in the Buick with Mik & Terri to follow the Gradmobile, and we lost them because we had to go get fresh batteries and fresh faces. So, we just went back to the school. My back really hurt from sitting on the bleachers, and I couldn't really see the stuff on the screen. Ok, I gotta speed this up. The dance was next, and I had fun. I danced with Nick, he's really tall and really quiet. I danced with some other people as well, and my feet hurt from Cotton Eyed Joe, I wasn't wearing shoes for that one. Then it was time to go get ready for Green Lake. We piled into the Gradmobile, dropped Tom off, got into an accident, had rocks thrown at us by a very drunk Mike Hounsell, got ice cream, and I got really rained on. Kirsten & Tiff came to pick me, Tom and Christy up and then we were on our way. It was raining and lightning-ing a lot, and Kirsten was driving safely. Thanks for not joining in the car accidents Kirsten.

Ok, Green Lake. We got there, it was still pouring, but the cabin was dry inside. Well, it wasn't a dry party, but anyways... I stole/shared some of Mitch's alcohol and the fun began. Basically, there was some dancing, cuddling, making outing, puking (way to go Morgan), portrait drawings courtesy of Jared Fingler, blanket wrestling, Jared getting massages from Kelsie's and my vibrating laugh, some picture taking that hopefully have already been deleted, and some no sleeping for me. I had a lot of fun, but felt super gross by the time we got breakfast. I met a girl with my last name, no relation. Apparently, alcohol makes me fall in love with Tom.