I Want To Be Small

As I sit here and listen to "Small" by Amanda Falk, I think of my relationships and my life. I realize that I've been trying to run things. Has it worked? Heck no. I need to let go, and let God take the controls. Again. I've been striving for a relationship with someone who doesn't return the feelings, when I should be striving for a deeper relationship with my God who's feelings for me are unmatched by any other. He's told me that he has someone planned for me. Someone to love me as he does. Yet, I still try to do things my way. I need to be patient. I need to remember that the plans I have are small compared to the things God has in store for me. I feel such a great need at this point in my life to be quiet, and seek God's presence. What I've been doing is as close to running from it as I can get. I have a huge house all to myself, with a beautiful yard to sit in God's creation, and yet I keep myself indoors. Why? I sit in a room of windows, marvelling at the beauty of nature around me, yet don't take the steps to be a part of it. I have such a deep longing for something deep, and still I take no affirmative action. I'm longing to be loved deeply, and don't dwell in the love God is showering on me.