Bucket List

1. Travel around Scotland - or live there
2. Attend a Broadway show
3. Get published
4. Get married and have a few kids
5. Get training in women's ministry & counselling
6. Influence a world leader
7. Go to: Hollywood, Vegas, South Africa, Sydney, The Dream Centre
8. Learn to salsa for my 25th Anniversary
9. Learn to ballroom dance for my 50th Anniversary
10. Record a cd
11. Adopt a child from either Romania or Greece
12. Be a motivational speaker for women
13. Run a 5km marathon
14. Have my picture taken with a royal
15. Design china sets for my daughter(s)
16. Go on a historical treasure hunt
17. Take a gondola ride in Venice
18. Get married in Lions Park and honeymoon in Kilravock Castle
19. Help with a Habitat for Humanity home
20. Be in the audience for the Ellen Show
21. Be a great-grandma
22. Go to Metz, France
23. Touch the ocean
24. Ride in a limo and get out on a red carpet
25. Float in the Dead Sea
26. Have a professional photo shoot in a magazine
27. Trace my family tree back as far as possible
28. Ride in a hot air balloon
29. Be a noticeable extra in a movie
30. See the pyramids
31. Stargaze from the top of a mountain
32. Have a family portrait painted
33. Own a cottage/cabin
34. Take the Motorcycle Diaries tour
35. Submit a secret to Post Secret
36. Meet Jamie & Renee from TWLOHA
37. Have a cast of my handprints made
38. Visit Auschwitz & Anne Frank's house

Restless Revelation

Laying in bed, I was thinking about the words of one of Jay And The Love Birds songs, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." and a wave of thoughts came to me. I've heard those words many times before, and was like, 'Yeah God, do that!', but I don't think I've ever really understood what that meant; maybe I still don't, but I kept thinking.
One thought was: How can we break a heart if its already broken?
I know in my own life, I've had some heartbreak. It's not fun, and its not an easy thing to get through. I think, personally, I get so excited about the current thing God is doing in my life or my church, that I don't stop to ask God to heal my heart's brokenness.
We ask God to show us how to love like He does and often don't do a very good job of it. Don't get me wrong, we try really hard, but we're not perfect.
Another thing that came to mind was, yes, let's ask God for His compassion and love, but remember that He also tells us to guard our hearts. That doesn't mean being a snob, but using wisdom in who and what you put your heart into.
The world's view of love is so skewed, making it so easy for us to "fall in love" with people we may not know very well. Even for Christians, myself included, it is hard to ignore the draw to drink, smoke, party, sleep around and all the other junk that's out there.
If we give our hearts to God and ask Him to teach us not only how to guard them, but how to love with them, I know it would save a lot of heartbreak and the other consequences that often follow.
I'm not saying this to make anyone feel bad, I just wanted to share a lesson that God has been slowly, gently been teaching me this past month especially.

I shared this in church this morning and without even knowing about what I had written in the wee hours, the worship leader, Dan, picked Hosanna to sing. Part of the bridge contains the same words I picked out from JATLB's song Break My Heart. I thought that was pretty cool.

Epiphany

That is what I've just had. An epiphany. A sudden realization for the first time of something extravagant. I was just reading a book by Gilbert Morris and a line struck a cord somewhere deep inside me. "Susanna Rocklin was a strong woman, but part of her strength was her compassionate heart."
For the past few years, I've been struggling with my own emotions and the way I present myself to others. My whole life, I've been pegged as the weak one, always hurt or sick or crying over one thing or the other. After realizing this, I began to build walls, and I built them high. If I closed myself off to people and turned of the weak emotions, I couldn't get hurt or show weakness. At least, that was my own foolish logic on the situation. Foolish, because it doesn't work. I still hurt and am only now being able to once again cry, knowing now that its not a weakness, but a gift. My heart has always been strongly drawn to helping people, especially those who themselves are hurting. If I can help others get through their pain, mine won't hurt as much. Right? No.
This might all sound a bit jumbled, but you have to realize that I'm just now, at this very moment, figuring this all out. Took long enough, eh? Back to the line from the book; strength and compassion. Those are two qualities numerous people have told me I possess. The first confused me, due to the false belief from my childhood, and the second has always been obvious to me. Now that I know that they can go hand in hand, I can use them better. My weakness, crying (rather, not crying), can be used as a strength in caring for others and letting them see that I am not made of stone. How's that for freedom?

Battle

I was going to write this Sunday afternoon, but things got a bit crazy. Which, could possibly be an understatement. Anyways, I have time now, so here it is.

Pastor Tyler was talking about spiritual warfare this Sunday and mentioned battle scences from Braveheart. He said, I guess guys like that more than girls, and then moved on with his sermon. Which was very good, by the way.

That statement was just another reminder that I'm not like most girls. I love watching movies like Braveheart, or reading books about historic, epic battles. Somewhat for the obvious adrenaline rush of the showcase of strength, but there's more to it than that. As a girl, I like seeing men who fight for righteousness, valor and their homes. Seeing, whether on the screen or in my mind, the power of their adventure makes me want to join in and fight with them. Alas, I missed the casting call, by at least ten years for most movies, and most battles don't include women. Yet I know we still play an important role. In most books and movies, the main character is fighting in hopes of saving his title, land, or entire country from being stolen from them. In some cases, he is fighting for the honour of a special lady. This, I think, is where I am like most girls. I want to be protected by a man with the qualities of a knight. If he happens to be wearing shining armor, even better, but it's not a must.

This all sounded much better in my head on Sunday, but there it is.

Survival With Minor Injuries

Phew! I took on a pretty big project this week. I decided to clean and change my bedroom. The first part alone was daunting, but I managed to complete both, and in a relatively short amount of time. The reason I did this is my back has been hurting due to a very old, yet oh so comfortable, mattress. Holly's old room has a nearly brand new mattress set and a functional closet, so I figured, why not move to that room? All of my dad's hockey jerseys, paintings, and as I like to call it, crap, were in there, collecting dust. That room has a tendency to leak, mine doesn't. So, I figured, I can make him happier by protecting the stuff he spent so much money on and get better sleep at the same time. By the way, he doesn't know I was going to do this. He's not back from Calgary until Friday evening. hehehe. We'll just call it a Valentine's Day surprise!

In total, four garbage bags, three boxes, and one bag of clothes were accumulated. I really don't know why I kept most of that stuff for so long! It was craziness or something. I did keep some things, and I'm sure the next time I go through everything, I'll wonder why I still have it. At least it's in a drawer, somewhat organized, therefore easier to dispose of if the mood strikes again. Which probably won't be for another year or so!

The only "minor injury" I received was a small gash on my left arm while vaccuuming. A rock went through the hose, shocked me and I jumped; right into the corner of the dresser.

A big, huge, splendiferous Thank You goes to Eryn and Lana who saved me from being completely overwhelmed by the task. It's great having people I can call on when I'm in need.

Are You Ready?

For another completely random Joanna update? I don't even know if I am! Hmm, so, what to update? The new job is going well, the first week was a bit sketchy, but I've caught on fast and its a good time mostly. I enjoy working with Carey, the dental therapist, we get along well. That's always a plus. Uh, Heath Ledger died. That was a sad day. I've been kinda cooped up in the house this week due to the weather and girliness. We had a huge blizzard Sunday night/Monday. Because of that, the highways weren't safe to travel on, so Carey & Kylee (other therapist) couldn't make it from PA. I had to go in and cancel a lot of appointments and rebook them. It wasn't so bad actually. I had two pairs of pants plus ski pants, a bunnyhug, and my usual bundles. It was about -44 that day and yesterday was -47 I think. I stayed in the house all day. I'm actually quite excited or maybe just anxious to go back to work tomorrow. I'm so bored! It should be good, I'll be getting paid at least! Then I'll be able to pay God and mom again. The IOU was getting quite big! Oh yeah, Cody and I ended our relationship. I finally decided to listen to God and not just my emotions. That usually makes life way more enjoyable, not necessarily easier, but being in God's will is a good place to be. Another thing I learned this month is that it is way too frustrating trying to do your taxes online, especially if you can't find the Canadian site you used last year! So another part of my paycheck will be going to a qualified, less stressed (maybe) accountant! Also, tomorrow shall be a wonderful evening of LOST season premiere! I'm so excited! I can't think of anything else to update. The end.

In All Seriousness...

I have no idea what I'm going to write at this moment, but I know that if I relinquish control to the Author or my life, it will be something great. Uh, wow, isn't that a kick in the teeth? How about the lesson I need to learn right now? Letting go of the control and worry and apprehension about the future. I remember talking about life with friends the other day, and one, jokingly said, "I don't want to accomplish anything." Well, I guess if that's your goal, that's what you'll accomplish, nothing. So what is it that I want to accomplish? This month? This year? Do I need a five year plan? How do I want my life to turn out? Well, in that order, I'd say this:
Learn how to do my new job as a receptionist and do it well. Make new friends and strengthen the relationships I've been building over the years. Although, that might take more than a month to do.
This year. Against all odds, because I know God is bigger than odds, I'd like to meet the man I've fallen in love with, Cody. I'm going to start believing for a plane ticket. Or some other form of transportation that will be provided for him to come here in April. Heck, if God can get me through some of the months of the past year on less than $20, I'm sure he can get Cody up here in some amazing way that will cause us both to praise him. Also this year, I'd like to actually stick to the plan I've made and go get some training. I've actually started the application process for a Youth With A Mission (YWAM) Discipleship Training School (DTS) in Harpenden, Herts which is in England. It's about a 30 minute train ride from London, if that helps at all, because I have no clue where it actually is. If I'd get my butt in gear, I could actually finish filling out the second half of the application and send it off. What's holding me back? Well, laziness for one. And the little thing called money. I need to know how much I have towards it already, how much support I'll be getting, and how much I still need. Plus the deposit, or whatever its called. I'll know all this better at the end of the month after I get paid. The thing is, I've learned not to worry about money. Huge lesson I learned last year. I know I'll have enough to go. I just have to discipline myself to actually save up and not spend money on trivial things.
So, what's my five year plan? I honestly don't have one. I never thought I'd be where I am today this time last year. I'm so grateful to where God has brought me, and where he's bringing me still and wouldn't change a thing. Seriously. Not even the mistakes. Especially not the joy. If I were to make one though, I'd say, YWAM, maybe some correspondence school, marriage, family, ministry. I think that'd be a cool way to live my life, but maybe God has something way cooler for me. I'd also be okay with that.
On that note, to answer the last question, how do I want my life to turn out, is simple. With the Author of Life writing my story, it will be great.