Another Rant...

I'm sick and tired of you telling me what to do. What makes you think you're in any positon to give me advice, especially financial, when you're putting our family into debt? Why do you think you can talk to me and expect me to listen? You are the only one who's against me moving out. Big surprise there. Not. You see that you've lost your grip on me and are afraid of me being free of you. Too bloody frickin bad. You have no control over me. Let me live my life and make my OWN decisions. Just because you're life is pitiful and you're miserable, doesn't mean the rest of us have to be too. Who the hell do you think you are? You lost any influencial position in my life long ago. You only take notice of my life when you disapprove or figure out new ways, which are getting old fast, to screw me up. Does it bother you that much that I'm finally succeeding? That I might actually be happy now? You just can't handle that can you? I'm sorry if you were told you'd never amount to anything all your life, but I'm not you. I will succeed and do great things. I break any generational curses that have been passed down through you. I am covered by the blood of Jesus Christ and any lies and word curses you've placed upon me are broken now.

Sweetie Pie Cutie Face

This is a summary of my days as of late: Get up, shower, maybe, eat. Walk four blocks to the Neudorf-Howell residence. Play with the adorable Dylan when he's not clawing at himself or crying. Try to scoop up baby food before he opens his mouth for more. Clean random things in their already amazingly clean house. Compete with the bathroom fan and vibrating chair to sing Dylan to sleep. Hang out with Carmen and Dylan when she gets home from work. (And Daune randomly throughout the day.) In case you're wondering why I do this, it's because God is awesome. I started nannying for Carmen and Daune last Thursday. I work 1-6pm, Monday-Friday, which hasn't happened yet because it was a holiday yesterday, but you get the point. It's so great because it's enough time that I don't get overwhelmed or go crazy with boredom, (he kinda just sits...), and more than enough money for rent and other needs. Yes, Dylan does cry a lot, but you would too if you had itchy sores all over your body. It's so sad, but he does quite well with the exema. Plus, he just met me on Thursday, so he cries when Daune enters or leaves a room. He's actually taken quite a shine to me already. He likes to suck on my leg or neck, whichever is available I guess. And those are the days I shower...haha. Yep, so that's what I do now. I love it. Carmen and Daune are awesome to work for, they definately balance each other. I can't really think of what else to say, so I'll bid you adieu. Or goodbye if you don't speak random languages.

Loose Firewire

I would love to do a whole update blog again, but I don't really feel like it. So, I guess I wouldn't love to do one. Okay then. I feel like I've been neglecting my blog(s). I always check other's, expecting them to be updated, but fail to update my own. I've been hanging out with Eryn a lot more lately. Its been real deadly like.

So, I'm the new techi-chick at the Bridge. Cuz I'm a nerd. I run the overhead dealy, and am working on some projects with Eryn and Tyler. I also get to contribute to the church's blog. Haha, cuz I'm so good at contributing to my other 3...not. Its gonna be cool shooting some video stuff and making FRESH even more deadly. We've done our brainstorming, we just need to get schedules and more people and all that jazz. Goooooood.

Tomorrow, Muzzer and I are going to NB. I have a biopsy appt. for my thyroid. I hope I don't have a goiter. Haha just kidding. They're not going to find anything. Why? Because It's already healed! Yee. God rocks. I still don't want to get a needle shoved in my neck though. Oh well, at least I'll get out of Meadow for a day. I haven't gone anywhere for quite awhile. And then on Friday, Eryn and I are hopefully taking some girls from Waterchicken to Stoon for a girls slumber party thing. I say hopefully, because I don't know if Eryn will get the day off or not. If she does it will be a good time.

You know what? Its so much fun to be positive. Usually I would say I'm so scared the dr's will find something, or I hope nothing bad happens at the slumber party. But now, I have confidence that God is really in control and he wants the best for us. And if something does go wrong, I have the tools to deal with it. God rocks, religion sucks. Glad I've got God.

I guess that kind of turned into an update, oh well, it needed to be said. I'm gonna go do more blogging I think.

PS. I forgot to say that Eryn and I are doing a 40 day challege. No junkfood/sweets/pop, drink water/milk, she's going to exercise 7 days/week for 30 mins, I'm doing 4/week for 60min, no eating after 7pm, and I have to eat two meals a day. Its going good so far. I went for a walk at the track yesterday and did 4 laps. I even ran for 3/4 of the track! My legs hurt now, but that's cuz I was real lazy this winter. But I'll whip myself into shape again. I even took Oviler with me to the track. He's a funny dog. That's all for now.

Can Anybody Find Me

...Somebody to love?

I was going to write about this topic a few days ago, but then forgot. And I don't really feel like doing it now, and don't have the time to do so.

What I will write about however, is my day today. It was so beautiful outside, the kids and I played outside twice today. In the morning it was still a bit cold, but bearable. I sat in the shade until I got cold, then warmed up in the sun. Then in the afternoon, the sun was out in full force. I took my jacket off and watched the kids swing and make a pond in a puddle. I saw a spider walk across the water in the garden. Maybe it was a Jesus spider! Then Clare came and I went home. I took off my boots, they were full of wetness from falling through the snow at T&C's, and sat on our steps reading Hebrews. Good book so far. And I saw a butterfly! So exciting! I played with Oviler and Sphincter a bit too. I'm all pink and warm from the sun now. Muzzer's makin supper and I'm waiting for Nicole to come. I'm goin to her house again this weekend. I missed going last weekend, and am going through withdrawl from Felix and Margurite. And my cow. I can't wait to see them all this weekend. And wear RUBBER BOOTS! I could've used them this afternoon. So, while Nicole and Vernon clean out the chicken coop for her chickens (duh), I'll be helping Candy paint their bedroom. Should be some good bonding times I think. I gotta go pack and such. Blog ya later....haha I'm so lame.

A Some Moosen

I had the best weekend EVER! On Friday I went and stayed at Nicole's. We got up Saturday afternoon (got home really late), and went over to Grandma and Grandpa's house to check cows. Vernon needed a ride over there so Felix could help him get unstuck. They weren't there, so Nicole and I just checked cows anyways. There were a few in the corral with their little calves and a whole bunch at the feeding ground. We took the quad out there and drove around the cows. Nothin was happening other than eating. We went back to the house and Marguerite and Felix were home. Of course, Grandma told us to grab a pop and have a seat. We stayed and visited and then for supper. We went to check the cows again, still nothing. We stayed and visited more with Uncle Dave & Aunty Vivian and Kyle. We went home and just hung out with Vernon. Good times. We had told Grandma to call us if any of the cows started to have a calf. So she did; at five in the morning. I jumped out of bed, put some warm clothes on and headed out the door. I got to see a calf get pulled! It was exciting and rather splooshy. It was a red girl. She's cute and Grandma said they're going to call her Jo. I felt special. We went home, back to bed and stayed there til the afternoon. Neither of us wanted to go to church. So we tried to fix the van, but Nicole got frustrated with the setup and we decided to go back to Grandma's house. We went to see the calves and Nicole tried to ride one of them. It didn't go too well haha. I visited with "my" cow and the momma was really nice about it. There was a floppy eared white calf that was jumping and running around. Very cute. We went to the feed ground to see the other calves that were born in the early morning, a grey one and a brown. We thought one of the cows was in labour, but she just had to take a dump. Then a cow charged at us because we got too close to her calf, luckily we were on the quad. We went to the house and played some Nintendo (the old school one) and then the grandparents came home. We visited a bit more, had some doughnuts and pop (of course) and went home for supper. Mmm KFC. We showered and walked out the door to go hang out with Kelvin. As I stepped off the last step, Scruffy growled, which she doesn't usually do. So I turned around and said, "Holy crap there's a moose!" took a second look and said, "Holy crap there's two!" I've never seen a moosen before, so I was excited. Such a great weekend! I gotta go now. Toodle-oo.

"I Don't Want to Turn Into a Boy"

Ah yes, the wise words of Shanna. She says, if she toots too much, she might turn into a boy. What a tragedy that would be. So, I spent my first day babysitting them yesterday. I'll be doing that all month until April 5th. It went pretty good yesterday, they stayed in their pj's and we watched kid's shows pretty much all day. It's okay, Tim & Clare said that was allowed, since they were going to NB today for Nicky's teeth. It was a bit confusing because I had to fill out a tv thing for every show we watched. I messed it up. Oh well. We watched Ice Age 2...again...and Finding Nemo...again. I guess I thought when I was done at the daycare, I wouldn't be watching kid's shows until I had my own. Turns out I was wrong. Oh well, they're better for me than "chick flicks" right Rob? haha. We played outside for about 20 minutes. Which is about the time it took us just to get dressed and sorted out. It was fun, the snow was deeper than Shanna. I got stuck and Nicky got cold, so we went in. Then it was home time. I came home, ate some big greasy sausages...but no Jared Finglers...haha...and fell asleep on the couch. "You have company" was all I heard and then opened my eyes to Nicole sitting in the living room. To Sev and her place was the next on the agenda. Good laughs along the way. Yellow shirt. Chuckle. She talked to Scott and "T-Fed" aka Tom. Good times had by all. Tom took her creepiness quite well actually. We basically just hung out, chatted and such, then went to bed. Oh...so many good dreams...ahem. Blasted reality. In to town and flower shopping we went. Good stuff yet again. Then deliveries. Saw Tobin Rhomas and Jirsten Kensrud. I went home, got asked out by a Texan (weird) and watched some Christian music videos. Then Nicole came over, we found out her mom was going to be arrested for Telemiracle and decided to take pictures. So we went for lunch and then to the Door. Finally it was time to go take pictures of Momma. After I had one of Kathy Stobbe's buns *drool* soooo good. It was pretty funny. Bail was set at $50 (cheap) and she was out in about 15 minutes. Oh well, it was fun. Back to the Door, stopped in at daycare to say hello, get hugs and kisses from Michael and a huge card for Shanna. I got all sparkly from it. Now I'm home and waiting to go out for supper with my folks. After that it's FRESH. I'm pumped. Chris Kulczheski...or however you spell his last name...is playing drums. It'll be grood. Argh...I have to get up and walk to the kitchen...gross. That's all for now. Except Gayce and Belinda are road tripping to Chicago for a Jack's Mannequin concert and I cried.

Change Number Four

Alrighty. Another change. I liked my old one, but clicked a few things and got something I wanted, and had to change the template. Oh well. I like green. It's good people. I'm almost ready to send in my application to Nipawin. I just need to find my SIN card and ask people to be references. I felt kinda weird writing a personal profile, but I got it done. (After procrastinating a whole day). Right now, I only signed up for the first year, but I would love to stay and get a Bachelor of Christian Ministry in Missions. Who would've guessed, eh? Haha.

So, Lent started yesterday, and I decided to fast from non-Christian music. Sounds easy right? Not. I made a Lent List (playlist), and have been listening to that. It's gone good so far, just when I wake up with a FOB song in my head or something it's tough. Let's see if I can do better than last year. Cuz I completely sucked back then.

Time to go eat some delicious pizza. Mmm chicken and roasted red peppers.

Trust Issues Anyone?

I'm a bit upset right now. I made this blog to be free to express my thoughts and feelings. I'm okay with my friends and some family members reading it, but I asked my mom specifically not to try and find it. By following a link on Ryan & Kath's blog, she found it. Don't worry guys, it's not your fault. I even asked her not to click on the link. She said she wouldn't. I was showing Jennifer Ryan and Kath's blog and saw that the link to mine had been clicked. On my mom's account. I asked, "I thought I asked you not to read my blog". The reply, "Well, I had to see what you were writing." Uh, no you didn't. If there's something I wanted you to know, I would've told you. And if you really wanted to know something, you could've asked me. Why did you have to go behind my back and break my trust? I don't frickin understand that. Yes, I realize this blog is public, and that it doesn't take a rocket scientist to find it, but when I ask someone not to read it, I expect them not to. It's kind of ironic, because I wrote in my Genesis Process book things that are making me uncomfortable ex and internally. One of them was expectations not met. Interesting. Like, now I don't even feel comfortable writing the stuff I want to. Really, who else is reading this? Obviously if I've given you the link I'm okay with it, but I feel like my mom totally invaded my privacy. Whatever, I'm frickin emotional and probably PMSing. If only it were Patrick Martin Stump-ing. One step forward, two steps back I guess.

Alrighty, well I'm back home now. I'll catch up again from where I left off.

So Friday, I did have a shower and felt oh so good. Then Matthew came looking for Nic, but she was still at Kelvin's. So he went over there, and then she showed up. Kinda funny. We hung out a bit then Matthew came back. We dropped him off at Northwest and went to go get Chas. He wasn't at Jessica's any more, they had gone to Bean There. So, we drove all the way back to town and found them there. We went to Sev and then to get Matthew. He wasn't at the church any more. Pastor Dan had taken him to the Dub. So we went there. They hadn't started the interview yet because too many people at the church had been congratulating Matthew. So, the three of us came to my house. We watched some 7th Heaven and Dr. Phil. I was grossed out, mostly by Dr. Phil, but also because there was a 500lb woman on his show. But, Chas made everything better with his commentary. And he got to meet my mom. So, we went to pick Matthew up and headed home. We talked about Brent and Ian a lot on that trip. We had supper and then went downstairs to play Battleship pool. Chas and Nicole won a game each. Then Nic and Matt played some regular pool. We all played Yahtzee and Nicole and I beat the boys by a lot. Nicole won overall though. We spent about an hour arguing over the boys wanting to play Risk and Nicole not wanting to. So, we just chatted. Matthew went upstairs to do something, and Chas started telling Nicole some stories of his past. I walked in right after he started. They were pretty interesting stories I tell ya. I was very encouraged by what he said. He's screwed up a lot, but God still forgave him and has given him hope and faith. It was a good chat. Then we all talked about whether it's okay to go evangelize in bars or at parties. I think we all had a different opinion in the end. After talking more, we went to bed.

(Saturday) Vernon asked us to help him move square bales in the morning, so we all got up around 9:30. It was fun times, even I helped out. I moved a lot in the first round, and then I mostly supervised the second time. There's only so much room to be helpful in, so I stayed out of the way. Nicole said that we got done faster because I was there to help, making me feel really good. We went home, had lunch and a nap. The boys went in to town to visit Joel. Then Nicole and her parents went out to Schroeder's for supper and wedding plans. I stayed home(there), and watched Gaither's, A Walk to Remember, and most of The Notebook. They came back and Nicole wanted to kill me for watching chick-flicks. Us four went downstairs and talked, then Gayce came over and joined the chat. Chas told us his whole name and we laughed a bit. His name is Chasmund Charles Martin. He has the same middle name as Darryl Schroeder as Nicole found out. We talked about Bible school a bit, I learned some stuff about Nipawin (more later) and then the three bible school kids talked about soccer matches. Gayce went home and we told Chas we were leaving for church at 10. We went to bed. I read, finished John, read some Captivating and tried to go to sleep. No dice. So, I wrote and prayed. Tried again. Nope. Vernon started snoring. I grabbed the sleeping bag and headed downstairs. The couch was super uncomfortable and the fire was making creepy shadows. "Nicole, can I sleep with you?" "Jump in." hehe. Still, no sleep. Nicole got up and took cough medicine. Still nothing. What time is it I wonder? 4:30, grr. Well, I guess I'll just keep thinking, since it doesn't seem possible to stop these thoughts. Roll over. What time is it now? Open your eyes Jo. 7:30? What? I guess I did sleep. Let's try again. No. Nothing. There's Matthew's alarm. I don't hear him moving at all. Half an hour later he gets up and showers. He's definately going to be late. Okay, now we wait until it's a decent hour for me to get up. La la lala. This sucks. I'm going to go eat a banana. 15 minutes later: "Nicole, you have to wake up Chas, it's time to get up." And time for me to shower. Ok, water feels good. Uh oh, how do you work this thing? Good thing Candy was up. Okay, wow this pressure sucks out loud. Okay, clothes make me feel warmer. Time to blow dry my hair. This should be interesting, no hair product in it. Yikes, I have big hair. Ok, ponytail it is. Time to go to church. Oh boy, this is going to be an interesting day, three hours of sleep. When we got to church, Jessie told me she dreamt about me all night. Uh, ok, weird. Then I held Reagan while she went home to get his blanket. He started fussing, so I gave him a cookie. Haha, Nicole says my kids are going to be fat; "Don't cry, here, have some food!". Then Gayce showed up and church started. Goooooooood times. Tyler spoke on exactly what I needed to hear, dreams. So then I went and talked to him about my confusions. You see, I feel like God's given me like 5 different places to go, and I thought I had to do them all as soon as he told me. Turns out, I don't. So, the whole Jerusalem thing, yeah, turns out I wasn't meant to go immediately. I have the assurance that I am still called there and will go. In God's time. And Bethany? Well, I think I was called to bible school, and Bethany was the most logical option. After talking about Nipawin and hearing that Nicole felt strongly that I should go there, I'm thinkin that's what God meant by bible school. Plus, it's about $3000 cheaper than Bethany. Man, Ty's prayer for me was amazing. He's been telling me a few times that he sees me with a very powerful call of authority on my life and that I'm going to do great things for the Kingdom. Yeah, it takes a few times for things like that to get through to me. But hey, if God wants to use me to do great things, who am I to argue? We kidnapped Kelvin and went back home. Actually, we picked some stuff up and got gas first. Candy had an amazing lunch ready when we got there. Then we watched Happy Gilmore and Robin pulled out some bridal magazines. Then I had a nap. It was delicious. I woke up when I heard, "She looks dead". The six of us, Robin & Matthew, Nicole & Kelvin, and Chas & I went over to Grandma and Grampa's. Of course we got pop and food. Then Felix came in, looked at the ring and raised his eyebrow's in his Felix way. We went home and had supper. Nicole & Kelvin went and played pool and talked. The four of us talked about Nipawin. Well, they answered my questions mostly. Then we went out to Logan's. Nicole and Lacey had to drop Kelvin off and pick up Dustin, so the rest of us watched tv. When they got there we had just started watching Bruce Almighty. Pretty good movie. We basically just watched tv and talked. Robin, Matthew & Chas decided to leave, so I grabbed my stuff from the van and said goodbye. We stayed a bit longer and then left. I came home, took some drugs, and went to bed.

And that, my friends, is what I've been up to this week.

Love Is In The Air

Ok, so I've been at Nicole's since Wednesday and couldn't update there. That's okay though, we had good times. Let's start then shall we? On Wed. I: made and delivered v-day cards at school, went for lunch with Nicole, then got ready for our big date. We all headed to KFC (romantic eh?) and ordered a LOT of food. The smell made me sick, so strong. Then we headed to E-Free and set up a table. We put a tablecloth on, candles (thanks Rob), a rose (fake), and sparkly pipe-cleaners. It was very romantic. We even used the good dishes. haha. So we ate, talked, toasted the Colonel, and almost had a piano player, but then they went and played upstairs. Then the youth came and I got to see Morgan, Mitch & Clint. And all the rest too :). Nicole and I went to care group, and as I called it, Blanche had made a cake. It was quite good, rhubarb crisp or something. I usually don't like that stuff, but this was good. Then I went to stay at her house. After Candy and Nicole had gone to bed, the phone rang, but Nicole answered. Then she came upstairs and started giggling. You see, it was Logan's number. Matthew called. Matthew and Robin are engaged!!! So we waited for Matt and Chas (bible school friend) to come home. It was very exciting. Nicole and Matthew woke up Candy, who thought something was wrong, and Chas and I played with Raskel. We stayed up a bit longer, then went to bed.

Thursday: Nicole got called in to work, I stayed in bed. I got up around 1 and went to read in Nicole's room with the music on. I went upstairs and the boys and I made lunch. Tomato soup and grilled cheese never fails. We sat around a bit, then decided to play a board game. The only one out that wasn't blocked by an air hockey table was Risk. So, I played. First time. It was a bit confusing at first, but the guys were really helpful. Chas got killed first. And then Matthew pretty much took world domination. I had most of Asia and all of Austrailia/Indonesia. Then, the boys played Mario Kart and I laughed at Chas because he talks to the players and calls them morons. It was quite entertaining. We had supper, good times also, and the boys played more video games. During supper Robin called and asked Nicole to be a bridesmaid, so she cheered up (she was grumpy because she was tired from work/little sleep). Then Candy and I kicked the boys off the tv and we all watched Survivor. Deal or no deal was on next, Canada edition, and Chas made fun of the people on there too. It was very humorous. I got a pillow thrown at me by Kelvin who was on the phone, he must have super powers, and I talked to him a bit. We watched King of the Hill and then the Daily Show. Both very funny, especially with Chas' commentary. Yeah, he's a good guy. Then we went to bed again.

Today: Got up, Nicole made soup, watched some Family Feud, dropped Chasoff at Jessica F's, picked Robin up at Efree, came home. Good times I tell ya. My kitten is apparently missing. That makes me sad. I hope he comes back. I need to shower and get new clothes. I'm off to Nicole's again tonight. Have a good weekend!

Life and Love

GAH! I'm so emotional right now. I need to get regular sleep. A regular schedule, not staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. Man, I don't know what was wrong, but while watching Home Makeover tonight, I cried a bit. What I mean is, I let myself cry only once. I almost lost it big time a few other times, but I'm too tough for that haha. Man, life is busy. Its getting so hard to find time to hang out with everyone. I enjoy the people I'm spending time with, but I really miss the other people too. I thought by getting a cell phone I'd be more connected to people, but it hasn't really worked out that way. Its easy to say life goes on, but it sucks when people get left behind.

I'm pretty excited for Valentine's day. Shh, don't tell anyone! haha. Nicole, Aaron K and maybe Logan are all going out for supper together. It should be some good times of being single. Possibly a bit cynical and painful, but I guess that comes with heartbreak, old or recent. Oh well, I'm glad to spend time with them, they're good people.

I'm gonna go back to surfing the web and watching Princess Bride. As Nicole would say, I'm so pathetic.

Time to Change

I felt that I needed to change. No, I'm still in my pajama's, but thought I'd change the look of my blog (again). This template is one I'd saved along with the one I used previously. I like it. And if I get bored again, I have more I could use. I hope this acutally works. Holly said she hasn't seen anything new on here since Jan. 13, I dunno, maybe blogger farted and forgot to say excuse me. Who knows? Not like my life is that exciting anyways. Yep, so I changed again. Have fun!

Wow! I think I'm in love. Yep, I've been bitten by the movie star/emo rocker cupid bug. It's official, I'm in love with Jared Leto. Who is this dashing young fellow? Well, he's not actually that young. 36, but who's counting? He's been in several movies such as Alexander, which I watched last night, and is the lead singer/guitarist of his band 30 Seconds to Mars. I saw the music video for "From Yesterday" and was encaptured by his piercing blue eyes. Don't worry this is a completely shallow crush. But hey, a girl can appreciate the beauty of God's creation right? I like celebrity crushes, no one gets hurt. You don't have to like him, but I just thought I'd dedicate a blog to Jared Leto. Why? Because it's the month of love (and black history ^.^) and I'm not in love, but have to endure the assault of pink and red hearts everytime I go out of the house. So, I don't see any harm in a celebrity crush. At first, when I watched other music videos, I was thinking "You're not an actor Jared!", but after watching Alexander I was introduced to Hephaistion aka Jared Leto. Wow, can that boy act! Plus, he got to wear eyeliner in the movie! Aside from the fact he played a gay guy who was in love with Alexander the Great (Collin Farrell), I think he did a very good job in that movie. So there it is, hot off the presses: Joanna has a celebrity crush on Jared Leto. Deal with it. hehe.

I can't think of a title for this one. I don't really know where to start either. I didn't sleep at all on Tuesday night. It was pretty rough. I was very tempted to take myself to the hospital early Wed. morning because I'd been sick in the night witht the same thing making me sick since Saturday. I didn't, but I went to the clinic when mom went to work.They said come back in the afternoon. So I went and hung out at the door and then decided, since I was there I may as well go to work till I went to the dr. It was alright I suppose. If you look past the anger of seeing my name crossed off the schedule and the fact that I got fired. Past all that, it was a good time... Sorry, I'm a bit bitter. Whatever, it wasn't working out anyways. So, I went and saw Nicole at Martodam's and decided she would take me to the clinic after she got off work. Mom drove me home and I slept for about two hours. We went and I saw Dr. Loots. She's really nice, I like having her as a doctor. I told her what's been going on lately, not eating or sleeping much. She decided to admit me and just keep me under observation. What she wrote on the admission form was Anorexia/Depression, because that's what I'd told her about. So, Nicole took me to the hospital, after talking to my mom and Merv & Blanche and grabbing some stuff at home. I got two of the worst nurses I've ever had. I asked for food, took over a half hour. I asked for blankets, never came. At lunch time on Thursday, I ate as much as I could, but was basically forced to eat more. I no longer like hospitals. They gave me a sleeping pill that only lasted for 3 hours, then I kept waking up through the night. I talked to a counsellor about what was happening, but it felt like she was scolding me for what I was doing to myself. I beat myself up enough without having to hear it from a professional. I was let out around 2, but Dr. Loots wanted to see me at the clinic right away. So I went and talked to her. She's going to talk to Dr. Mamood (sp?), a psychiatrist in North Battleford (yay -.-), and refer me to Bev from Mental health (yay again >.<). She didn't prescribe anything, because she hadn't gotten ahold of the psych(o). I went home and slept, until Nicole and Kelvin came about a half hour after I'd laid down. Nicole and I went for supper with our mom's and then I was going to go to Nicole's for the night. We had to drop movies off at the movie store and pay the late fees. I felt like we should go see Rob, so we did, but he told us to come back at 8:30 because it was still Jr. Youth. So we were going to see Tyler, but he wasn't there, just Deb. So we talked to her and she talked and prayed. We went back to see Rob and he beat me up a bit haha. It was for my own good though. Even if he made me cry after I said I wasn't going to. Then we prayed and finally went to Nicole's. On the way, we listened to Barlow Girl and I was all of a sudden inspired to write (This is Truth). So I grabbed my note book (luckily I'd kept it in my bag) and started writing in the dark. I wrote all the way til we were parked. Then we hung out with Candy and talked to eachother from two different bathrooms. Fun times haha. I took my pill (Dr. Loots said it'd be okay to take it to help me sleep), and we both went to bed. I slept through the night! Now I'm home and writing this. Needless to say, I've had an exciting/stressful week.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Let me tell you a story about this weekend. Kelvin and I went to Nicole's for a sleepover on Saturday. We were all kind of grumpy and then after a few rounds of pool (I won once YAY), we all cheered up. Then Will called. (Nicole's cuz) First Unfortunate Event. He told her some bad news, and she cried a lot. After everything was under control, we all went to play in the snow. We were having a lot of fun, but Scruffy scratched Nic's lip and my ski-pants were ripped, so we went in and I changed and she checked out her lip. (#2) Again, we went out in the snow. We went to the sand hill and slid down a bit. We were all at the bottom and Scruffy was being annoying and climbing over us all. Nicole tried to push her off Kelvin, but she scratch beneath his bottom lip. I thought it was like Nicole's, so I laughed a bit. Then he pulled his hand away and it was covered in blood. I stopped laughing. (#3) We went to the house, Nicole was crying, and I got to do some First Aid! Well, I got the kit out, Kelvin cleaned up his lip and I tried to bandage him up and talk him in to getting stitches. Finally he gave in and I called the hospital telling them we were coming in. (He never did let me bandage him up, so close though!) We sat and waited, the nurse cleaned him up a bit more and we waited for Dr. Snyman to come in. Just so you all know, it was 3am when we got to the hospital. So, the Dr stitched him up, four stitches, I left the room though. But, I didn't even pass out. I just felt queasy. We went back home (Nicole's) and had some awkward moments due to the accident. After reassuring Nicole that it wasn't her fault and that we were all just messing around, we played more pool. I was still feeling rather queasy, and sure enough, my stomach exploded. (#4) So then I went to bed, but read for like 9 billion hours. Actually, I think it was only 1 hour. Nicole woke me up and asked if I was going to church, I said no, as my tummy was still icky. So I slept some more. Man I love sick sleeps. So deep. I seriously think I squinched the entired night though, made me a bit sore. Then they came home, we hung out, ate some foods, played some games. I schooled everyone at Dutch Blitz. And totally beat Kelvin at Ping Pong. (Not really, cuz we didn't keep score, but I was much funnier to watch I'm sure.) Then, my tummy exploded some more. We all went to bed, and I finished the book I was reading, finished Mark and started Luke. Then I woke up, went looking for Nicole, since she had to work. She was up, but the roads were bad, so she called in. We all slept some more, got up, had some lunch, watched some tv (me), played some pool (them), and slept some more. Then we went in to town for Cleansing Stream. It was pretty good. After that, we went to Kelvin's and watched The Passion of the Christ. I love that movie so much. We all cried. Now I'm home, listening to music and updating all of you. I have so much homework to do tomorrow; two weeks of Cleansing Stream and Genesis Process. And I haven't started. I think one of the things I learned this weekend was "a bicycle only needs two wheels". Go figure eh? Whatever, I'm over it and am happy now. Another thing I learned, one meal a day for a week = not being able to eat solid foods for awhile. I'm so smart. Oh well, I know God forgives me when I mess up and that I'll learn from all this.

Signing off heartbroken and hungry,
Joanna.
hehe it's like a letter! (It's okay guys, I'm just crazy.)

Confusing Dream

I just woke up from a really confusing dream. I don't even know where to begin. K, well, I was in Calgary with my family, for a reason that didn't present itself in the dream. Then, Dad, Tim & Phil went to the airport with me. I think they were seeing me off (not sure where I was going), but then they all got on the plane with me. When we landed we were in Britain. What? We went in to the airport there (which looked more like a fancy hotel lobby) and looked around a bit. Phil and I went to find a phone. The phones were interactive tv stations. You picked what you wanted to do (make a call) and a phone keypad showed up. It was really high-tech. There was an older lady sitting behind where we were standing. For some reason, I sat with her and she asked where I was from. I had to explain how Canada was set up first of all and then we got to this confusing conversation:

(After talking about Can.) (Me) "The reason why I'm in Britain is because it is where God told me to go. You see, I was planning to go to Bible school in the fall, but then God told me to come here. I asked him, 'Why Britain? There's nothing there but sheep'. (The lady laughed at this). After much prayer, God spoke again and said, 'Go, teach my sheep.' And I knew that I had to go where he lead me." The old lady then invited us all to a "creamyard celebration". Those are the words I heard. What's a creamyard, is it like a vineyard? So confusing!

Hmm, what's missing from this conversation? Oh, I know! Jerusalem! And Britain, what's that about anyways? Throughout the entire dream I called it Britain. I never knew what airport I was in, or even what city I was supposed to go to.

I really need some prayer for direction. I dont know where I'm supposed to go, I just know I'm supposed to go. I've had three options given to me, all of which I believe were given by God. But, I can't be in three places at once! Is there an order in which I'm s'posed to go to these places? Am I going to them all, or do I have to decide between them? The dream I had about Bethany, seemed to take place in the near future (Darcy was in it). This one about Britain seemed like it was happening now, I had my purse and cellphone with me there. And when God told me to go to Jerusalem, I still had to finish school. Is this what Merv was talking about, opening your ears to hear from God? Or is this just some crazy dream? GAH! I guess I'm going to be praying a lot about this. Maybe its just all this snot floating around in my cranium. Maybe someone at care group will have some words of wisdom for me.

Snot-Nosed Kid

Holy crap, where is all this sickly snot coming from? I am always amazed that a nose so small can house so much yuckiness. If you haven't guessed, I have a cold. It sucks. Oh well. So, I had a "fun" day at the clinic today. I went in, thinking I had a bladder infection and sat for about 2 1/2 hrs. They called me, I peed in a cup (fun), and sat in a room. I got the dr that I cannot understand what he's saying (more fun). He said I don't have an infection, but gave me a prescription, told me to come back if it doesn't get better. While he was out of the room, my fingernails turned completely blue. It was quite scary. So, he checked my heart, breathing and my toenails. They were also a bit blue. Everything went back to normal after that, because I'd been taking deep breaths. It was probably just from not breathing deeply due to this cold. He said if there's any concern tomorrow, to go to the hospital. Yay, sounds like fun! In other news, I slept most of the day. It was alright. I'm sore from going to the gym last night. Haha. I'll probably sleep most of tomorrow too. Man I need a better job! I filled out most of the application form for Bethany, I just have to get some addresses and ask Rob & Eryn to be my references. (Rob, if you're reading this, will you be my reference for Bethany? I've got all the stuff ready for filling out.) I think I can get up to $600 off my tuition through a bunch of incentives they have. I should look into Student Loans as well. Man, it feels like I don't have all that much to talk about anymore. I like going to the Bridge and am excited to be involved in a bunch of things through that. My schedule's been pretty full lately. Monday is Discipleship class, Tuesday is Genesis Process (dealing with addictions/support group), and Wednesday is Care Group/Bible study. Thursday-Saturday are hang-out days, so if anyone wants to hang out, give me a call or something. This Sat. is Mom's 57th birthday and we're going for supper at Nor' Wester, then to the North West to watch her year in review slide show. Then, Sunday is church day. Fun times I tell you! The building was really cold last week, but it kept me awake and listening, haha. The whole service is so awesome, the worship, testimonies, the sermon; they just all seem to be directed at me and what's going on in my life. Its super cool. Plus, I get to spend time with Nicole & Eryn, two very cool ladies. Anyways, I think I'm going to go play a game that I've beat like 5 times, its very relaxing. Ciao! (I'm so not Portugese).

100th Poem!

So yeah, I wrote my 100th poem the other day. Check it out: http://www.froannaspoetry.blogspot.com

Don't be afraid to comment on my stuff, I like feedback. It helps me to know what people like and what I need to improve on. ^.^

Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I spend the majority (sadly) of my time watching romantic movies, reading romance books and writing poems about love and romance? Why, when I have none of that stuff in my life? Girls, why do we do this to ourselves? We get lost in the fantasy on screen, page and print. I am sick of wondering if I'll ever find "true love". Of wondering if there's a guy out there for me, or if I've missed my chance. Mind you, I'm young and have plenty of time to find Mr.Right, but my heart is longing for some reality through all these romantic fantasies. I've found the love of God recently in my life, and it is amazing! God wants to be my Lover, my Fiance, my Husband. And I want him to be that, but I also want to feel love from a man. I'm not saying I'm gonna go out and have sex with the next guy I see, (ever sick), but waiting is wearying. I want to have those special glances and touches, the words meant for only me, the little notes I find after a beautiful evening. I want to be pursued, fought for, to share my beauty, to play an irreplaceable role. By the way, I just finished reading Captivating by John & Stasi Eldridge, so I might bring that stuff up a bit. It was an amazing book that taught me a lot of things. Mainly about healing wounds, no longer believing the lies I tell myself, claiming a beauty to share, and being needed as a woman.
*Sigh* I just want to be loved and to have my Question answered. Is that too much to ask?

At the end of the day, I'm okay because I know that I am one day, one hour, one minute, closer to meeting my Lord and Saviour. With every breath I take, I know He's given me one more breath with which to praise Him. Everytime I open my eyes, I know that He's blessed me with sight with which to see the beauty He's placed all around me. But at the end of the day, I pray for one more day, one more hour, one more minute to give to others the love He's given me. The love I'm not worthy of, but given gracefully and freely.