Real Pain From my Sham-Friends

I don't know if I should bother writing about this, but I feel I need to get it out. I don't even care anymore if I offend anyone. I'm done being passive. I am sick and tired of being left out of the loop. Would it kill you to pick up the phone and see if I'm interested in being included? It may surprise you, but I miss hanging out with people. I don't understand what's been going on lately, but it really feels and appears that I've lost the majority of my friends. Sure, we still see each other from time to time, but we've lost the closeness we had last year and over the summer. I know I don't go to school with you anymore, but I am still alive! I've made attempts at being included, but I'm either "forgotten" or feel awkward somehow. I just need to get out of this town. Start fresh. It sucked bad enough last year losing touch with most of my grad friends. Especially right after my grampa died. Thanks for the support guys. Now that I don't see people every day it's like I've dropped of the face of the earth. What sucks the most is: not having someone to confide in, finding out about a get-together from someone else after I said I was free to hang out tonight, but mostly, feeling abandoned. I told Morgan something I've never told anyone else last night. Normally I would've been able to tell one of my best friends that, but we've become distant, so I took the first life-line I could I guess. I'm glad we're close enough for me to have told him, but I wish I had someone I could tell everything to. Duh, the obvious, God. And yes, I do talk to him lots, but I need something/one physical. Face to face. I hate writing this all because I feel like I'm complaining so much or that I'm gonna push my friends farther away. Like I said, it needed to get out, so here it is. I'm actually really surprised no one's figured out what I told Morgan, since I've been writing a couple poems about it. I tried to disguise the issue, but really, it doesn't take a rocket-scientist to read between the lines. At least, I'd hoped it wouldn't. Whatever, I'll just keep dealing with it as best I can. I'm just sick of talking through a keyboard. I hope and pray that my plans for Bethany actually happen. And that I can wait til fall before I completely fall apart. Blah. I'll end my bash/rant now.