I Want To Be Small

As I sit here and listen to "Small" by Amanda Falk, I think of my relationships and my life. I realize that I've been trying to run things. Has it worked? Heck no. I need to let go, and let God take the controls. Again. I've been striving for a relationship with someone who doesn't return the feelings, when I should be striving for a deeper relationship with my God who's feelings for me are unmatched by any other. He's told me that he has someone planned for me. Someone to love me as he does. Yet, I still try to do things my way. I need to be patient. I need to remember that the plans I have are small compared to the things God has in store for me. I feel such a great need at this point in my life to be quiet, and seek God's presence. What I've been doing is as close to running from it as I can get. I have a huge house all to myself, with a beautiful yard to sit in God's creation, and yet I keep myself indoors. Why? I sit in a room of windows, marvelling at the beauty of nature around me, yet don't take the steps to be a part of it. I have such a deep longing for something deep, and still I take no affirmative action. I'm longing to be loved deeply, and don't dwell in the love God is showering on me.

A Grad Way More Fun Than My Own

Ok, I've been trying to avoid blogging about this, but since all the cool people, aka Robin & Jared already have, I thought I'd join in. Maybe they're not all the cool people, but they're the only ones who've done so thus far.

So, Graduation Day 2007 went a little like this. From my POV anyways. (Get it, that's an English term, thanks Mrs. Bachiu). I got up at 7:30 to shower, get ready and make sure I had clothes to wear to grad. Then I went to work. Dylan fell asleep on me, and I actually managed to put him to sleep in his crib. Unfortunately, he only slept for 20 minutes. So, he was still pretty tired. Then Daune came home and we let Dylan play with our cell phones. It was fun times. I went home, ate some KD, finished getting ready, and went to the school where I found Jared and sat with him. The afternoon ceremony was quite boring, but then again so was mine. Just a bunch of people giving heartwarming speeches and handing out money. I loved the theme and the mural that Leanne did was amazing! Then I took pictures of some people on the "cool" grad props and went back home. I cleared the camera so I could take more pictures later, changed footwear and got dad to drive me around. I arrived at Efree and, like Jared said, tried to start a non-grad table, but ended up sitting with Robin's family. This was fine and dandy, Mik and Terri are a hoot. Next came the pictures times a billion. Or maybe only times 30. I jumped in the Buick with Mik & Terri to follow the Gradmobile, and we lost them because we had to go get fresh batteries and fresh faces. So, we just went back to the school. My back really hurt from sitting on the bleachers, and I couldn't really see the stuff on the screen. Ok, I gotta speed this up. The dance was next, and I had fun. I danced with Nick, he's really tall and really quiet. I danced with some other people as well, and my feet hurt from Cotton Eyed Joe, I wasn't wearing shoes for that one. Then it was time to go get ready for Green Lake. We piled into the Gradmobile, dropped Tom off, got into an accident, had rocks thrown at us by a very drunk Mike Hounsell, got ice cream, and I got really rained on. Kirsten & Tiff came to pick me, Tom and Christy up and then we were on our way. It was raining and lightning-ing a lot, and Kirsten was driving safely. Thanks for not joining in the car accidents Kirsten.

Ok, Green Lake. We got there, it was still pouring, but the cabin was dry inside. Well, it wasn't a dry party, but anyways... I stole/shared some of Mitch's alcohol and the fun began. Basically, there was some dancing, cuddling, making outing, puking (way to go Morgan), portrait drawings courtesy of Jared Fingler, blanket wrestling, Jared getting massages from Kelsie's and my vibrating laugh, some picture taking that hopefully have already been deleted, and some no sleeping for me. I had a lot of fun, but felt super gross by the time we got breakfast. I met a girl with my last name, no relation. Apparently, alcohol makes me fall in love with Tom.

Awesome God

There have been a few cases in my life where God has completely blown me away. My faith is so small and yet He provides. I've been looking for a grad ticket for a couple weeks, today Kim asked if I still needed one. She told me Madge had a few extra and to give her a call. So I did, and then picked it up. Awesome part one. I went to Efree for their last youth group tonight, which was great. I heard a phone ringing and thought to check mine. But I missed the call. Luckily they left a message, because I had no idea who's number it was. It was Daune asking me to come in early tomorrow. I'd been worrying all day about being able to go to grad now that I had the ticket. I usually work 9-6 on Fridays, which would make it impossible to go to the afternoon ceremonies. So, by going in early tomorrow, I can go to grad. I'll work the morning on Friday instead of the afternoon and not have to make up for any lost hours. Amazing part two. So, today was a good day off. God is amazing and I'm glad he loves me.

And The Clock Struck Midnight

I just had a pretty great day. I got up, spent over $100 on things I probably don't need but will be able to use for a long time, went out for lunch with Muzzer, and made a mad dash for the shower. Then it was dress, hair, makeup, nails, shoes and out the door. All in a mere fourty minutes! Believe me people, that's impressive. I went to Matthew and Robin (Schroeder) Roger's wedding. It was so nice. I nearly cried when Matthew sang to Robin. Nearly. The reception was really good. An awesome powerpoint presentation, really good food and a lot of laughs. While they were moving the tables for the dance, Nancy and I went and changed our footwear. I'm so glad I did! My feet were killing me. All for the price of fashion I suppose. Then back to the dance, which hadn't started yet. It was good times. I danced a bit, sometimes crazy, sometimes normally. I even taught, or tried to, teach Kashtin how to polka. The funny thing about changing footwear is, I took my shoes off about 15 minutes after the dance started. I thought of Travis when "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" was played, but he'd already left. It was really nice to see people I hadn't seen for awhile, like Felix & Margurite and Candy & Vernon. I miss those folks. So, it was a lovely evening. I wore a great dress, which had some minor malfunctions, killer shoes (seriously), my hair dried to great curls, and I never smudged my makeup, other than lipstick on my teeth a few times. Alas, the night had to come to an end. It was a lot of fun, but this Cinderella didn't find a Prince tonight. I didn't even catch the bouquet either. Oh well, there's plenty more weddings this summer!

Have you ever wanted to be part of something bigger? To wake up one day and be told you're a princess, or that you are a descendant of a great and valiant knight? I have on many occaisions. To find out that my family did great things in history; that I am a part of a royal line; that I could be worthy of life in a castle. You see, history excites me, intrigues me, makes my heart beat faster, even skip a beat. I love movies that make history come alive, or books that take me on adventures to faraway lands. I want to go on these adventures, see the places I've read about. I want to walk where famous artists, playwrites, philosophers and doctors have walked. Can you imagine standing in the basement of the Louvre, or on the sands of the great Colleseum, or sit in a seat in a marvelous banquet hall? Am I only ever going to read and dream about these things? I sincerly hope not. Who knows? Maybe one day they'll be reading about me in the history books!

Mekai Burke Metz

I can't believe I've waited three days to blog about my new nephew! Tim & Clare had their baby on Sunday at 12:59pm. It was an interesting day for me. I waited up til 3:30am for Eryn to come home, she's staying here til her house is liveable, and fell asleep soon after. I must've been out of the country when I was dreaming, because mom came to my door at 7:30 and asked, "Are you going to Tim's or am I?" What? Tim's, Tim who? Who's going to Tim's? I'll go to Tim Horton's, but you might have to drive. As you can see, I was very confused. "It's time." OH! Get out, I'm not wearing pants! So, I went over and played with Nick & Shanna til Frank & Mary, Clare's parents, got there. I went home, showered and went to church. I don't really remember what Pastor Tyler said, I was too excited. Plus, the phone rang a couple times, which got me more excited, but it wasn't for me. Then I came home and waited. Is he here yet? Is he here yet? Tim called at 1:30 and told us Mekai was born. But, we had to wait til three to meet him. That was possibly the longest hour and a half of my life! haha. So, mom & I went to Extra Foods, got flowers and a Mack toffee bar and went to the hospital. He's so cute! and little. He looks a lot like Tim. Last night I went to their house and held him for a long time, and then he had his first bath! He enjoyed it, but didn't like getting dried off because it was probably cold. Mom and I went over today and she held him mostly. I love him. I'm glad they live close for this kid. I tried putting pics on here, but it's being dumb. There's some on Facebook.

Apparently it was me being dumb. So, here's some of him when he was only 3 hours old.

Another Rant...

I'm sick and tired of you telling me what to do. What makes you think you're in any positon to give me advice, especially financial, when you're putting our family into debt? Why do you think you can talk to me and expect me to listen? You are the only one who's against me moving out. Big surprise there. Not. You see that you've lost your grip on me and are afraid of me being free of you. Too bloody frickin bad. You have no control over me. Let me live my life and make my OWN decisions. Just because you're life is pitiful and you're miserable, doesn't mean the rest of us have to be too. Who the hell do you think you are? You lost any influencial position in my life long ago. You only take notice of my life when you disapprove or figure out new ways, which are getting old fast, to screw me up. Does it bother you that much that I'm finally succeeding? That I might actually be happy now? You just can't handle that can you? I'm sorry if you were told you'd never amount to anything all your life, but I'm not you. I will succeed and do great things. I break any generational curses that have been passed down through you. I am covered by the blood of Jesus Christ and any lies and word curses you've placed upon me are broken now.

Sweetie Pie Cutie Face

This is a summary of my days as of late: Get up, shower, maybe, eat. Walk four blocks to the Neudorf-Howell residence. Play with the adorable Dylan when he's not clawing at himself or crying. Try to scoop up baby food before he opens his mouth for more. Clean random things in their already amazingly clean house. Compete with the bathroom fan and vibrating chair to sing Dylan to sleep. Hang out with Carmen and Dylan when she gets home from work. (And Daune randomly throughout the day.) In case you're wondering why I do this, it's because God is awesome. I started nannying for Carmen and Daune last Thursday. I work 1-6pm, Monday-Friday, which hasn't happened yet because it was a holiday yesterday, but you get the point. It's so great because it's enough time that I don't get overwhelmed or go crazy with boredom, (he kinda just sits...), and more than enough money for rent and other needs. Yes, Dylan does cry a lot, but you would too if you had itchy sores all over your body. It's so sad, but he does quite well with the exema. Plus, he just met me on Thursday, so he cries when Daune enters or leaves a room. He's actually taken quite a shine to me already. He likes to suck on my leg or neck, whichever is available I guess. And those are the days I shower...haha. Yep, so that's what I do now. I love it. Carmen and Daune are awesome to work for, they definately balance each other. I can't really think of what else to say, so I'll bid you adieu. Or goodbye if you don't speak random languages.

Loose Firewire

I would love to do a whole update blog again, but I don't really feel like it. So, I guess I wouldn't love to do one. Okay then. I feel like I've been neglecting my blog(s). I always check other's, expecting them to be updated, but fail to update my own. I've been hanging out with Eryn a lot more lately. Its been real deadly like.

So, I'm the new techi-chick at the Bridge. Cuz I'm a nerd. I run the overhead dealy, and am working on some projects with Eryn and Tyler. I also get to contribute to the church's blog. Haha, cuz I'm so good at contributing to my other 3...not. Its gonna be cool shooting some video stuff and making FRESH even more deadly. We've done our brainstorming, we just need to get schedules and more people and all that jazz. Goooooood.

Tomorrow, Muzzer and I are going to NB. I have a biopsy appt. for my thyroid. I hope I don't have a goiter. Haha just kidding. They're not going to find anything. Why? Because It's already healed! Yee. God rocks. I still don't want to get a needle shoved in my neck though. Oh well, at least I'll get out of Meadow for a day. I haven't gone anywhere for quite awhile. And then on Friday, Eryn and I are hopefully taking some girls from Waterchicken to Stoon for a girls slumber party thing. I say hopefully, because I don't know if Eryn will get the day off or not. If she does it will be a good time.

You know what? Its so much fun to be positive. Usually I would say I'm so scared the dr's will find something, or I hope nothing bad happens at the slumber party. But now, I have confidence that God is really in control and he wants the best for us. And if something does go wrong, I have the tools to deal with it. God rocks, religion sucks. Glad I've got God.

I guess that kind of turned into an update, oh well, it needed to be said. I'm gonna go do more blogging I think.

PS. I forgot to say that Eryn and I are doing a 40 day challege. No junkfood/sweets/pop, drink water/milk, she's going to exercise 7 days/week for 30 mins, I'm doing 4/week for 60min, no eating after 7pm, and I have to eat two meals a day. Its going good so far. I went for a walk at the track yesterday and did 4 laps. I even ran for 3/4 of the track! My legs hurt now, but that's cuz I was real lazy this winter. But I'll whip myself into shape again. I even took Oviler with me to the track. He's a funny dog. That's all for now.

Can Anybody Find Me

...Somebody to love?

I was going to write about this topic a few days ago, but then forgot. And I don't really feel like doing it now, and don't have the time to do so.

What I will write about however, is my day today. It was so beautiful outside, the kids and I played outside twice today. In the morning it was still a bit cold, but bearable. I sat in the shade until I got cold, then warmed up in the sun. Then in the afternoon, the sun was out in full force. I took my jacket off and watched the kids swing and make a pond in a puddle. I saw a spider walk across the water in the garden. Maybe it was a Jesus spider! Then Clare came and I went home. I took off my boots, they were full of wetness from falling through the snow at T&C's, and sat on our steps reading Hebrews. Good book so far. And I saw a butterfly! So exciting! I played with Oviler and Sphincter a bit too. I'm all pink and warm from the sun now. Muzzer's makin supper and I'm waiting for Nicole to come. I'm goin to her house again this weekend. I missed going last weekend, and am going through withdrawl from Felix and Margurite. And my cow. I can't wait to see them all this weekend. And wear RUBBER BOOTS! I could've used them this afternoon. So, while Nicole and Vernon clean out the chicken coop for her chickens (duh), I'll be helping Candy paint their bedroom. Should be some good bonding times I think. I gotta go pack and such. Blog ya later....haha I'm so lame.

A Some Moosen

I had the best weekend EVER! On Friday I went and stayed at Nicole's. We got up Saturday afternoon (got home really late), and went over to Grandma and Grandpa's house to check cows. Vernon needed a ride over there so Felix could help him get unstuck. They weren't there, so Nicole and I just checked cows anyways. There were a few in the corral with their little calves and a whole bunch at the feeding ground. We took the quad out there and drove around the cows. Nothin was happening other than eating. We went back to the house and Marguerite and Felix were home. Of course, Grandma told us to grab a pop and have a seat. We stayed and visited and then for supper. We went to check the cows again, still nothing. We stayed and visited more with Uncle Dave & Aunty Vivian and Kyle. We went home and just hung out with Vernon. Good times. We had told Grandma to call us if any of the cows started to have a calf. So she did; at five in the morning. I jumped out of bed, put some warm clothes on and headed out the door. I got to see a calf get pulled! It was exciting and rather splooshy. It was a red girl. She's cute and Grandma said they're going to call her Jo. I felt special. We went home, back to bed and stayed there til the afternoon. Neither of us wanted to go to church. So we tried to fix the van, but Nicole got frustrated with the setup and we decided to go back to Grandma's house. We went to see the calves and Nicole tried to ride one of them. It didn't go too well haha. I visited with "my" cow and the momma was really nice about it. There was a floppy eared white calf that was jumping and running around. Very cute. We went to the feed ground to see the other calves that were born in the early morning, a grey one and a brown. We thought one of the cows was in labour, but she just had to take a dump. Then a cow charged at us because we got too close to her calf, luckily we were on the quad. We went to the house and played some Nintendo (the old school one) and then the grandparents came home. We visited a bit more, had some doughnuts and pop (of course) and went home for supper. Mmm KFC. We showered and walked out the door to go hang out with Kelvin. As I stepped off the last step, Scruffy growled, which she doesn't usually do. So I turned around and said, "Holy crap there's a moose!" took a second look and said, "Holy crap there's two!" I've never seen a moosen before, so I was excited. Such a great weekend! I gotta go now. Toodle-oo.

"I Don't Want to Turn Into a Boy"

Ah yes, the wise words of Shanna. She says, if she toots too much, she might turn into a boy. What a tragedy that would be. So, I spent my first day babysitting them yesterday. I'll be doing that all month until April 5th. It went pretty good yesterday, they stayed in their pj's and we watched kid's shows pretty much all day. It's okay, Tim & Clare said that was allowed, since they were going to NB today for Nicky's teeth. It was a bit confusing because I had to fill out a tv thing for every show we watched. I messed it up. Oh well. We watched Ice Age 2...again...and Finding Nemo...again. I guess I thought when I was done at the daycare, I wouldn't be watching kid's shows until I had my own. Turns out I was wrong. Oh well, they're better for me than "chick flicks" right Rob? haha. We played outside for about 20 minutes. Which is about the time it took us just to get dressed and sorted out. It was fun, the snow was deeper than Shanna. I got stuck and Nicky got cold, so we went in. Then it was home time. I came home, ate some big greasy sausages...but no Jared Finglers...haha...and fell asleep on the couch. "You have company" was all I heard and then opened my eyes to Nicole sitting in the living room. To Sev and her place was the next on the agenda. Good laughs along the way. Yellow shirt. Chuckle. She talked to Scott and "T-Fed" aka Tom. Good times had by all. Tom took her creepiness quite well actually. We basically just hung out, chatted and such, then went to bed. Oh...so many good dreams...ahem. Blasted reality. In to town and flower shopping we went. Good stuff yet again. Then deliveries. Saw Tobin Rhomas and Jirsten Kensrud. I went home, got asked out by a Texan (weird) and watched some Christian music videos. Then Nicole came over, we found out her mom was going to be arrested for Telemiracle and decided to take pictures. So we went for lunch and then to the Door. Finally it was time to go take pictures of Momma. After I had one of Kathy Stobbe's buns *drool* soooo good. It was pretty funny. Bail was set at $50 (cheap) and she was out in about 15 minutes. Oh well, it was fun. Back to the Door, stopped in at daycare to say hello, get hugs and kisses from Michael and a huge card for Shanna. I got all sparkly from it. Now I'm home and waiting to go out for supper with my folks. After that it's FRESH. I'm pumped. Chris Kulczheski...or however you spell his last name...is playing drums. It'll be grood. Argh...I have to get up and walk to the kitchen...gross. That's all for now. Except Gayce and Belinda are road tripping to Chicago for a Jack's Mannequin concert and I cried.

Change Number Four

Alrighty. Another change. I liked my old one, but clicked a few things and got something I wanted, and had to change the template. Oh well. I like green. It's good people. I'm almost ready to send in my application to Nipawin. I just need to find my SIN card and ask people to be references. I felt kinda weird writing a personal profile, but I got it done. (After procrastinating a whole day). Right now, I only signed up for the first year, but I would love to stay and get a Bachelor of Christian Ministry in Missions. Who would've guessed, eh? Haha.

So, Lent started yesterday, and I decided to fast from non-Christian music. Sounds easy right? Not. I made a Lent List (playlist), and have been listening to that. It's gone good so far, just when I wake up with a FOB song in my head or something it's tough. Let's see if I can do better than last year. Cuz I completely sucked back then.

Time to go eat some delicious pizza. Mmm chicken and roasted red peppers.

Trust Issues Anyone?

I'm a bit upset right now. I made this blog to be free to express my thoughts and feelings. I'm okay with my friends and some family members reading it, but I asked my mom specifically not to try and find it. By following a link on Ryan & Kath's blog, she found it. Don't worry guys, it's not your fault. I even asked her not to click on the link. She said she wouldn't. I was showing Jennifer Ryan and Kath's blog and saw that the link to mine had been clicked. On my mom's account. I asked, "I thought I asked you not to read my blog". The reply, "Well, I had to see what you were writing." Uh, no you didn't. If there's something I wanted you to know, I would've told you. And if you really wanted to know something, you could've asked me. Why did you have to go behind my back and break my trust? I don't frickin understand that. Yes, I realize this blog is public, and that it doesn't take a rocket scientist to find it, but when I ask someone not to read it, I expect them not to. It's kind of ironic, because I wrote in my Genesis Process book things that are making me uncomfortable ex and internally. One of them was expectations not met. Interesting. Like, now I don't even feel comfortable writing the stuff I want to. Really, who else is reading this? Obviously if I've given you the link I'm okay with it, but I feel like my mom totally invaded my privacy. Whatever, I'm frickin emotional and probably PMSing. If only it were Patrick Martin Stump-ing. One step forward, two steps back I guess.

Alrighty, well I'm back home now. I'll catch up again from where I left off.

So Friday, I did have a shower and felt oh so good. Then Matthew came looking for Nic, but she was still at Kelvin's. So he went over there, and then she showed up. Kinda funny. We hung out a bit then Matthew came back. We dropped him off at Northwest and went to go get Chas. He wasn't at Jessica's any more, they had gone to Bean There. So, we drove all the way back to town and found them there. We went to Sev and then to get Matthew. He wasn't at the church any more. Pastor Dan had taken him to the Dub. So we went there. They hadn't started the interview yet because too many people at the church had been congratulating Matthew. So, the three of us came to my house. We watched some 7th Heaven and Dr. Phil. I was grossed out, mostly by Dr. Phil, but also because there was a 500lb woman on his show. But, Chas made everything better with his commentary. And he got to meet my mom. So, we went to pick Matthew up and headed home. We talked about Brent and Ian a lot on that trip. We had supper and then went downstairs to play Battleship pool. Chas and Nicole won a game each. Then Nic and Matt played some regular pool. We all played Yahtzee and Nicole and I beat the boys by a lot. Nicole won overall though. We spent about an hour arguing over the boys wanting to play Risk and Nicole not wanting to. So, we just chatted. Matthew went upstairs to do something, and Chas started telling Nicole some stories of his past. I walked in right after he started. They were pretty interesting stories I tell ya. I was very encouraged by what he said. He's screwed up a lot, but God still forgave him and has given him hope and faith. It was a good chat. Then we all talked about whether it's okay to go evangelize in bars or at parties. I think we all had a different opinion in the end. After talking more, we went to bed.

(Saturday) Vernon asked us to help him move square bales in the morning, so we all got up around 9:30. It was fun times, even I helped out. I moved a lot in the first round, and then I mostly supervised the second time. There's only so much room to be helpful in, so I stayed out of the way. Nicole said that we got done faster because I was there to help, making me feel really good. We went home, had lunch and a nap. The boys went in to town to visit Joel. Then Nicole and her parents went out to Schroeder's for supper and wedding plans. I stayed home(there), and watched Gaither's, A Walk to Remember, and most of The Notebook. They came back and Nicole wanted to kill me for watching chick-flicks. Us four went downstairs and talked, then Gayce came over and joined the chat. Chas told us his whole name and we laughed a bit. His name is Chasmund Charles Martin. He has the same middle name as Darryl Schroeder as Nicole found out. We talked about Bible school a bit, I learned some stuff about Nipawin (more later) and then the three bible school kids talked about soccer matches. Gayce went home and we told Chas we were leaving for church at 10. We went to bed. I read, finished John, read some Captivating and tried to go to sleep. No dice. So, I wrote and prayed. Tried again. Nope. Vernon started snoring. I grabbed the sleeping bag and headed downstairs. The couch was super uncomfortable and the fire was making creepy shadows. "Nicole, can I sleep with you?" "Jump in." hehe. Still, no sleep. Nicole got up and took cough medicine. Still nothing. What time is it I wonder? 4:30, grr. Well, I guess I'll just keep thinking, since it doesn't seem possible to stop these thoughts. Roll over. What time is it now? Open your eyes Jo. 7:30? What? I guess I did sleep. Let's try again. No. Nothing. There's Matthew's alarm. I don't hear him moving at all. Half an hour later he gets up and showers. He's definately going to be late. Okay, now we wait until it's a decent hour for me to get up. La la lala. This sucks. I'm going to go eat a banana. 15 minutes later: "Nicole, you have to wake up Chas, it's time to get up." And time for me to shower. Ok, water feels good. Uh oh, how do you work this thing? Good thing Candy was up. Okay, wow this pressure sucks out loud. Okay, clothes make me feel warmer. Time to blow dry my hair. This should be interesting, no hair product in it. Yikes, I have big hair. Ok, ponytail it is. Time to go to church. Oh boy, this is going to be an interesting day, three hours of sleep. When we got to church, Jessie told me she dreamt about me all night. Uh, ok, weird. Then I held Reagan while she went home to get his blanket. He started fussing, so I gave him a cookie. Haha, Nicole says my kids are going to be fat; "Don't cry, here, have some food!". Then Gayce showed up and church started. Goooooooood times. Tyler spoke on exactly what I needed to hear, dreams. So then I went and talked to him about my confusions. You see, I feel like God's given me like 5 different places to go, and I thought I had to do them all as soon as he told me. Turns out, I don't. So, the whole Jerusalem thing, yeah, turns out I wasn't meant to go immediately. I have the assurance that I am still called there and will go. In God's time. And Bethany? Well, I think I was called to bible school, and Bethany was the most logical option. After talking about Nipawin and hearing that Nicole felt strongly that I should go there, I'm thinkin that's what God meant by bible school. Plus, it's about $3000 cheaper than Bethany. Man, Ty's prayer for me was amazing. He's been telling me a few times that he sees me with a very powerful call of authority on my life and that I'm going to do great things for the Kingdom. Yeah, it takes a few times for things like that to get through to me. But hey, if God wants to use me to do great things, who am I to argue? We kidnapped Kelvin and went back home. Actually, we picked some stuff up and got gas first. Candy had an amazing lunch ready when we got there. Then we watched Happy Gilmore and Robin pulled out some bridal magazines. Then I had a nap. It was delicious. I woke up when I heard, "She looks dead". The six of us, Robin & Matthew, Nicole & Kelvin, and Chas & I went over to Grandma and Grampa's. Of course we got pop and food. Then Felix came in, looked at the ring and raised his eyebrow's in his Felix way. We went home and had supper. Nicole & Kelvin went and played pool and talked. The four of us talked about Nipawin. Well, they answered my questions mostly. Then we went out to Logan's. Nicole and Lacey had to drop Kelvin off and pick up Dustin, so the rest of us watched tv. When they got there we had just started watching Bruce Almighty. Pretty good movie. We basically just watched tv and talked. Robin, Matthew & Chas decided to leave, so I grabbed my stuff from the van and said goodbye. We stayed a bit longer and then left. I came home, took some drugs, and went to bed.

And that, my friends, is what I've been up to this week.

Love Is In The Air

Ok, so I've been at Nicole's since Wednesday and couldn't update there. That's okay though, we had good times. Let's start then shall we? On Wed. I: made and delivered v-day cards at school, went for lunch with Nicole, then got ready for our big date. We all headed to KFC (romantic eh?) and ordered a LOT of food. The smell made me sick, so strong. Then we headed to E-Free and set up a table. We put a tablecloth on, candles (thanks Rob), a rose (fake), and sparkly pipe-cleaners. It was very romantic. We even used the good dishes. haha. So we ate, talked, toasted the Colonel, and almost had a piano player, but then they went and played upstairs. Then the youth came and I got to see Morgan, Mitch & Clint. And all the rest too :). Nicole and I went to care group, and as I called it, Blanche had made a cake. It was quite good, rhubarb crisp or something. I usually don't like that stuff, but this was good. Then I went to stay at her house. After Candy and Nicole had gone to bed, the phone rang, but Nicole answered. Then she came upstairs and started giggling. You see, it was Logan's number. Matthew called. Matthew and Robin are engaged!!! So we waited for Matt and Chas (bible school friend) to come home. It was very exciting. Nicole and Matthew woke up Candy, who thought something was wrong, and Chas and I played with Raskel. We stayed up a bit longer, then went to bed.

Thursday: Nicole got called in to work, I stayed in bed. I got up around 1 and went to read in Nicole's room with the music on. I went upstairs and the boys and I made lunch. Tomato soup and grilled cheese never fails. We sat around a bit, then decided to play a board game. The only one out that wasn't blocked by an air hockey table was Risk. So, I played. First time. It was a bit confusing at first, but the guys were really helpful. Chas got killed first. And then Matthew pretty much took world domination. I had most of Asia and all of Austrailia/Indonesia. Then, the boys played Mario Kart and I laughed at Chas because he talks to the players and calls them morons. It was quite entertaining. We had supper, good times also, and the boys played more video games. During supper Robin called and asked Nicole to be a bridesmaid, so she cheered up (she was grumpy because she was tired from work/little sleep). Then Candy and I kicked the boys off the tv and we all watched Survivor. Deal or no deal was on next, Canada edition, and Chas made fun of the people on there too. It was very humorous. I got a pillow thrown at me by Kelvin who was on the phone, he must have super powers, and I talked to him a bit. We watched King of the Hill and then the Daily Show. Both very funny, especially with Chas' commentary. Yeah, he's a good guy. Then we went to bed again.

Today: Got up, Nicole made soup, watched some Family Feud, dropped Chasoff at Jessica F's, picked Robin up at Efree, came home. Good times I tell ya. My kitten is apparently missing. That makes me sad. I hope he comes back. I need to shower and get new clothes. I'm off to Nicole's again tonight. Have a good weekend!

Life and Love

GAH! I'm so emotional right now. I need to get regular sleep. A regular schedule, not staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. Man, I don't know what was wrong, but while watching Home Makeover tonight, I cried a bit. What I mean is, I let myself cry only once. I almost lost it big time a few other times, but I'm too tough for that haha. Man, life is busy. Its getting so hard to find time to hang out with everyone. I enjoy the people I'm spending time with, but I really miss the other people too. I thought by getting a cell phone I'd be more connected to people, but it hasn't really worked out that way. Its easy to say life goes on, but it sucks when people get left behind.

I'm pretty excited for Valentine's day. Shh, don't tell anyone! haha. Nicole, Aaron K and maybe Logan are all going out for supper together. It should be some good times of being single. Possibly a bit cynical and painful, but I guess that comes with heartbreak, old or recent. Oh well, I'm glad to spend time with them, they're good people.

I'm gonna go back to surfing the web and watching Princess Bride. As Nicole would say, I'm so pathetic.

Time to Change

I felt that I needed to change. No, I'm still in my pajama's, but thought I'd change the look of my blog (again). This template is one I'd saved along with the one I used previously. I like it. And if I get bored again, I have more I could use. I hope this acutally works. Holly said she hasn't seen anything new on here since Jan. 13, I dunno, maybe blogger farted and forgot to say excuse me. Who knows? Not like my life is that exciting anyways. Yep, so I changed again. Have fun!

Wow! I think I'm in love. Yep, I've been bitten by the movie star/emo rocker cupid bug. It's official, I'm in love with Jared Leto. Who is this dashing young fellow? Well, he's not actually that young. 36, but who's counting? He's been in several movies such as Alexander, which I watched last night, and is the lead singer/guitarist of his band 30 Seconds to Mars. I saw the music video for "From Yesterday" and was encaptured by his piercing blue eyes. Don't worry this is a completely shallow crush. But hey, a girl can appreciate the beauty of God's creation right? I like celebrity crushes, no one gets hurt. You don't have to like him, but I just thought I'd dedicate a blog to Jared Leto. Why? Because it's the month of love (and black history ^.^) and I'm not in love, but have to endure the assault of pink and red hearts everytime I go out of the house. So, I don't see any harm in a celebrity crush. At first, when I watched other music videos, I was thinking "You're not an actor Jared!", but after watching Alexander I was introduced to Hephaistion aka Jared Leto. Wow, can that boy act! Plus, he got to wear eyeliner in the movie! Aside from the fact he played a gay guy who was in love with Alexander the Great (Collin Farrell), I think he did a very good job in that movie. So there it is, hot off the presses: Joanna has a celebrity crush on Jared Leto. Deal with it. hehe.

I can't think of a title for this one. I don't really know where to start either. I didn't sleep at all on Tuesday night. It was pretty rough. I was very tempted to take myself to the hospital early Wed. morning because I'd been sick in the night witht the same thing making me sick since Saturday. I didn't, but I went to the clinic when mom went to work.They said come back in the afternoon. So I went and hung out at the door and then decided, since I was there I may as well go to work till I went to the dr. It was alright I suppose. If you look past the anger of seeing my name crossed off the schedule and the fact that I got fired. Past all that, it was a good time... Sorry, I'm a bit bitter. Whatever, it wasn't working out anyways. So, I went and saw Nicole at Martodam's and decided she would take me to the clinic after she got off work. Mom drove me home and I slept for about two hours. We went and I saw Dr. Loots. She's really nice, I like having her as a doctor. I told her what's been going on lately, not eating or sleeping much. She decided to admit me and just keep me under observation. What she wrote on the admission form was Anorexia/Depression, because that's what I'd told her about. So, Nicole took me to the hospital, after talking to my mom and Merv & Blanche and grabbing some stuff at home. I got two of the worst nurses I've ever had. I asked for food, took over a half hour. I asked for blankets, never came. At lunch time on Thursday, I ate as much as I could, but was basically forced to eat more. I no longer like hospitals. They gave me a sleeping pill that only lasted for 3 hours, then I kept waking up through the night. I talked to a counsellor about what was happening, but it felt like she was scolding me for what I was doing to myself. I beat myself up enough without having to hear it from a professional. I was let out around 2, but Dr. Loots wanted to see me at the clinic right away. So I went and talked to her. She's going to talk to Dr. Mamood (sp?), a psychiatrist in North Battleford (yay -.-), and refer me to Bev from Mental health (yay again >.<). She didn't prescribe anything, because she hadn't gotten ahold of the psych(o). I went home and slept, until Nicole and Kelvin came about a half hour after I'd laid down. Nicole and I went for supper with our mom's and then I was going to go to Nicole's for the night. We had to drop movies off at the movie store and pay the late fees. I felt like we should go see Rob, so we did, but he told us to come back at 8:30 because it was still Jr. Youth. So we were going to see Tyler, but he wasn't there, just Deb. So we talked to her and she talked and prayed. We went back to see Rob and he beat me up a bit haha. It was for my own good though. Even if he made me cry after I said I wasn't going to. Then we prayed and finally went to Nicole's. On the way, we listened to Barlow Girl and I was all of a sudden inspired to write (This is Truth). So I grabbed my note book (luckily I'd kept it in my bag) and started writing in the dark. I wrote all the way til we were parked. Then we hung out with Candy and talked to eachother from two different bathrooms. Fun times haha. I took my pill (Dr. Loots said it'd be okay to take it to help me sleep), and we both went to bed. I slept through the night! Now I'm home and writing this. Needless to say, I've had an exciting/stressful week.