Open Letter

Dear dad,
Why did you have to come home? I was doing so good until you walked in the door. Now its back to all this crap. Why couldn't I just have peace and hapiness a bit longer? Its not like we interact anyways. Yet your very presence is enough to break me, intimidate me, sedate me. I had begun to open up, and just as quick as you pulling in the driveway, I was shut up again. Why do you build up all this pressure over time? Why not just get it over with. Hit me again. I'm sure I can take it. I have before. You know you want to knock some "sense" into me. Just get it over with already. Mess up again. Maybe this time you'll win. Who would've thought that you would be able to raise 6 kids. Why did you do it? So you'd have something other than the table or wall to punch? Its not like you built a relationship with any of us. You're just a name, a title, not a father. Never a father, never will be. Why couldn't I see that before? Why does it take us so long to see what's been right in front of us our whole lives? I don't understand why you try so hard to gather information from me, yet don't care about the important things in my life. I don't want to be your source of gossip. I wanted to be your daughter. These past few years have shown me that wanting, that need will never be fulfilled. Rob is more of a father figure to me than you will ever be! My own brothers are more of father figures than you have ever been. I shouldn't have had to been brought up by other men. You were there, why couldn't you do your job?! Because you were too busy with other people's lives and buisness. Because you'd rather listen to your answering machine or the nightly news than listen to my heart. What causes me to anguish over you? Its like even though I know the truth about you, I prefer to lie to myself, thinking you'll change. Thinking that next time will be different. Or maybe there won't be a next time. So instead of being able to talk to you, I spill my thoughts and feelings out to a screen. I trust a screen, that could go off at any minor power failure, more than I trust you. For when have you ever shown me that I could trust you? When have you ever given me reason to believe in you? To believe in me? So just get it over with. Give me one more reason to leave.
Your "daughter",
Jo