What is normal anymore? I just want things to go back to "normal". To when my biggest concerns were passing a test I didn't study for. When I didn't have to worry about bleeding, fainting, or being on multiple drugs. When I didn't have to fake a smile so as not to worry others. When I didn't know the emotional scars of abuse. Or the physical scars of self harm. When I could have my fears and concerns put to rest by a good talk. When, if I started to cried, I wouldn't fall completely apart. But, what is normal? Was that? Is this now what I need to accept as normal?
"And I just pray/My problems go away if they're ignored" (When I Go Down by Relient K)
Isn't that what I've been doing? Bottling everything up and ignoring it, hoping that it will just go away. I've been stuffing everything into a bottle and shoving it to the farthest reaches of my mind, not realizing that at some point, the bottle will become fuller than its capacity and break. Then, not only will I have to deal with everything I've been trying not to deal with, I'll have to pick up the broken pieces as well. I guess that's why the next line in the song is, "But that's not the way it works/No that's not the way it works"
Sigh. I'm still FINE though. Just so you know.
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