Yup, this is post number 80. Its almost sad that I've spent so much time pouring my heart out to a screen lit by a flourescent bulb. I was reminded tonight that December sees the most recorded "encounters" with depression and suicide. Whoohoo. Why don't we rub it in a bit more? I started tricyclin-lo (sp?) today. Maybe I'm just having a down mood. I sure hope the side effects aren't that immediate. That would suck hard core. I was also sort of reminded that I'm glad I backed out of the Jr Youth retreat. Jr teen girls are mean. No wonder I hated jr high so much. I really don't need to be made to feel worse about myself by people younger than me. I definately don't need that added on to everything else. I just didn't think it'd be cool to haul all my meds out there and possibly face unintentional rude/ignorant questions. Plus, I need all the sleep I can get. I really need to get energy back and stop getting wiped out so easily. Stupid loss of iron. I'm starting to enjoy work more. On Friday I chatted with Amy and Sherry about my experience with depression and apparently really encouraged Amy. That's pretty cool. Man, she's so close to giving her life to God, it's really cool. I hope that I can help her with any questions or just be an example to her. Suppose I should start giving God more credit for the good he's done in my life and stop complaining so much. That would be a good example eh? One step at a time. So, I broke down and cried last night. Good ol' Million Dollar Baby. It was a good cry. I didn't think I'd ever stop, and had a lot of trouble breathing, which made me feel nauseous and gave me a tummy ache all night. But I think it was worth getting some of it out. Believe me, it's not all out. I should do that more often. As sick and soggy as I felt, overall it felt much better to release stuff. I really didn't expect to write all this. I just wanted to say the thing about Depressing December. I need to sleep so I can get up for work tomorrow.
Kirsten, thanks for being my crying poetry buddy.
1 comment:
anytime Jo, it's good to wallow in the pit of despair when you need to get the pit a little shallower... but then, when that's done, you can always look up at the real bright awesome light at the top...thats my favorite part. I'm glad you got some of your cry out, i've been noicticing on alot of your blogs you felt you couldn't. Kirsty(L)
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