"Worst Episode Ever"

Bleh. Yesterday, was possibly one of the worst days of my life. I went to work feeling like crap and got yelled at for "sitting too much and not taking care of the kids". My co-worker went so far as to take her accusations to the new Exec. Director of the Door. He called me into his office and showed me what she'd written. Of course, now that I've let myself cry, my fears of not being able to stop have come true. I broke down and was overwhelmed by everything that was going on. I was 98% ready to quit my job so that I wouldn't have to put up with all the drama. Then I thought, Where would I go? I don't have any training or secondary education. I won't work in fast food ever again as long as I can help it. Where in Meadow Lake would hire me without any credentials and such inexperience? So Bill and I decided to talk again on Wednesday with the new Director of Tiny Treasures, Lila Schwing. Yeah. When I found out she's the new dir., I thought, I really don't need another reason to quit. I'm sure she's good at what she does, but I've never got along with her, or felt comfortable around her. I suppose we'll see how she does, but the other girls aren't too excited about it either. Could be tense for awhile longer. We'll be deciding if it would be best for me to start working there part time to give myself some time to stress relieve. So, whatever, I went back to work and vented to Val. Good times, she really helped. I also called my mom and cried to her. And then talked again when I got home.

Today, I was feeling just as bad, but went to work. Amy was, amazing. She completely understands what I'm going through and isn't upset that I've missed work or haven't been feeling good. She just wants me to get the answers I need and get back to my normal self. Me too. She let me stay in the preschool's room so I wouldn't have to deal with Sherry. Goooood. Yet, I still had a few run-ins with her. She told me I couldn't go to the dr. because she had an appointment. Amy came in right after her and said to listen to her, not to Sherry. Obviously. So, I did go to the clinic. And waited two hours. Of course I saw a dr who hasn't been involved with what's been happening the last month, so I had to explain everything again. She looked at my chart and kinda got a better picture. She told me to go off the pill and just take Provera (Progesterone) again. This really upset me because Dr. Johnson prescribed this about two or three weeks ago and it didn't do anything to stop the bleeding. I don't understand why they'd give me something that didn't work. I'm glad in a way to go off the pill because it and the patch have screwed up my depression. I can handle when I have mood swings, because I know that with every low swing, there'll be a happy time after. Not the case this time. It's all been low times. And times have gotten pretty scary close to "the old times". Hopefully when my body gets rid of all the drugs I've been putting into it, things will rebalance themselves. I don't worry too much when I feel like quitting my job, its when I start considering quitting life that I get concerned.

I guess what I'm trying to get down to is a prayer request. I've identified four or more battles that I'm fighting. Physical, Emotional, Mental, Spiritual (PEMS hehe), occupational, and the good ol' reliable domestic battle. I don't know what else to do anymore but ask for prayer. The physicians aren't giving me answers, so I'll take the advice of my big sister and ask the Physician who has all the answers and healing powers I need. Plus, venting on here helps a bit too. ^.^ Yeah, prayer would be appreciated.