Friday, February 04, 2011

Don't sweat the small stuff, kid.

I've been having some struggles in the past few months of letting little things, comments, gestures, really get to me. This has lead to being super defensive. I don't feel like I should have to defend every thing that I say or do to people, but somehow I end up doing it automatically. Not too sure where that reaction has sprung from, I just want it to stop!

For example, two very good friends and I banter back and forth quite often, but sometimes get carried away and may end up with hurt feelings. I don't feel good about the things said, and I'm sure (hope?) that they realize as well when the line has been crossed. At this point, we've still got a solid friendship and know when to apologize. I'm dreading the point of no return. James 3:10 says, "And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!" Couldn't agree with you more ol' boy!

I know how words can have such an impact on a person's day, self-worth, and world view. We teach our kids, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.", and "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." The first adage is still a pretty good one. If you have nothing to contribute in a positive way, be silent. Easier said, again with the pun, than done. There is something deep within us that rises up and begs to be let out in a heated discussion, debate, or just banter. I wonder how many relationships could have been salvaged if one or both parties had taken a moment to think first, or to just remain silent. In no way am I saying we shouldn't stand up for injustice, I'm talking about things on a personal/relational level.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, especially when you're as accident prone as me. But, words do hurt. Whether they are intentional or not, the meaning can be mistaken, and there is nothing you can do to take them back. Proverbs 26:18-19 says, "Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbor and says, 'I was only joking!'" "Just kidding" doesn't always patch things up again. In fact, I would venture that it can possibly do even more damage than the original remark. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Unfortunately, this can happen with just a slip of the tongue. So, what can we do about this?

Think. Is what you're about to say going to offend, hurt,tear down, bully the recipient, or will it encourage, praise, build up, reinforce them? Personally, I enjoy encouragement over being bullied or having my feelings hurt any day. I know that I can't change the way every person speaks to their neighbor (here meaning everyone you meet/interact with), but I can strive to change the pattern of my own speech. I'm not trying to be 'holier than thou', I just don't want to do irrevocable damage to the people that I care about and deserve to be treated with respect. The only people we can truly change are ourselves, others may choose to follow our lead, which is just a bonus.

On a lighter note, this writing exercise has become a bit easier and I'm getting more inspiration each day. I truly hope that you the reader enjoy my ramblings, and hopefully can learn something or take something from what I write for yourself.

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